SOME?MEN are so selfish that they hurt those around them just to get their way. I am in a situation like that.
I am living with a woman who has two children from a past marriage. We’ve been living together for the past two and a half years. Upon leaving, she took her two children with her and he was supposed to support them through a decision by the court.
This is what happened while she was living in the house with him.
She started working before the first child and they split the bills in half – electricity, water, telephone and groceries. She would eventually end up paying these bills alone, except for the telephone bill, which he paid. The rest she had to deal with because he said he had to pay for his car.
This resulted in the water being cut off a couple of times and she had to bring water from the neighbour for herself and the children. No money was forthcoming so the groceries became less. And with the arrival of the second child and no help whatsoever, things took a turn for the worse.
At home with the baby, he would provide no help so she had to beg for help from her neighbours.
When one of them confronted him, he replied that he paid taxes and that if she wanted money or help, she should go to welfare. With no other choice, she ended up there. He continued to pay for his $40 000 car while the Government paid for clothes and food for his children.
When I met her, she had recently started working. It was night and she was walking fast as she was very late so I gave her a ride to work. I saw her two weeks later and she was even later than the first time. He had just come home and told her that his job was more important than her so she had to stay with the children until he came home.
Sometimes he would come home in the morning so she couldn’t go to work on a regular basis. She was only given work when someone was on vacation or leave so she worked for only four or five months.
Eventually, she put him in court and he was ordered to give her money every week for the children. The amount was paid for the first two months and then it was decreased. By this time, both the water and electricity were disconnected a couple of times.
I left the island and returned 19 months later and saw her a couple of days later. She said he told her to leave because she was keeping him down. She had left twice before but ended up returning because he would go to her mother’s house and cause lots of problems and her mother couldn’t take it.
Neighbours were called to testify on her behalf and the magistrate told him the next time he hit her, he would go to jail. As a result, the physical abuse stopped but the verbal abuse increased.
We would chat every time we met and became drawn to each other. She left and was staying with one of her friends. However, he continued to harass her and kept going to the friend’s house at all hours so she eventually had to leave.
At this point she relocated and I decided to help her. The same day she moved out, he was there.
I would visit her on a regular basis and whenever he saw me, he would drop all sorts of remarks.
We then started living together at another location and he continued with his behaviour. The police were called at least a dozen times in the first year. I told her I couldn’t take anymore, that something had to give. By this time he had stopped supporting the children altogether, despite threatening to take them from her. He would tell his children not to talk or deal with me.
They went back to court and he was successful in getting full custody of his children. However, the weekend after the court hearing, the children were back with us every weekend for almost a year. He would bring them every Friday and come back for them on Sunday nights – sometimes. With lots of holidays this year he would come on Monday nights, with the kids having spent all weekend in the house because he won’t allow them to ride in my car.
This has now gone from weekends to three and four days a week. Furthermore, he won’t even pick them up from school. The teacher called him to pick them up one day and he told her to call the mother because he couldn’t make it; she had to go to the school and pick them up.
He once told her that they were her responsibility on weekends and that she had to find someone to keep them whether she was working or not. He’s telling her now she is their mother and she should be keeping them.
I told him to come for his children and let them spend time with him, to which he replied that I had to support them. I reminded him that he went to court and said that he feared for their safety and now I was the one who was doing everything for them.
He said he was leaving them with us to get at me. The children have been with us for five weeks and he has visited them four times, he brought six snacks for them and gave the boy $20.
His children eat every day, go to school and have uniforms, books and everything they need. I do my best because I love their mother. When she goes to work I tend to them and do everything for them.
Sometimes I get very frustrated and she realizes it. She once told me that she understood and would not be angry if I ever decided to leave. I won’t leave but I don’t think I should be doing so much for two little children whose father is alive, working and driving all over the place while she has to walk everywhere with them.
Every time he calls he wants to know where I am, which room I am in, where they are, where their mother is and what we are doing. If they are in my room, he orders them out. If she is in the bedroom with me, he tells them not to let her touch them because she is dirty and she is no mother.
I have bought school clothes for children whom I am not supposed to be speaking to. In addition, I provide shelter for children whose father has full custody of them, sleep in a house with them alone when their mother goes to work and get them ready and off to school when he doesn’t come for them.
He says I don’t like his children and that I am only pretending. When I get into my car to leave home, his daughter cries, sometimes because I cannot take her with me. He should try pretending because it’s working. Sometimes she calls me what she should be calling him.
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