Dear Christine,
I am a 25-year-old young woman who would like your advice about a situation that I am in.
For the past five years I have been seeing a man who tells me that he loves me, but I am not quite sure that he does.
We do not live together, but we spend a reasonable amount of time at each other’s home.
Christine, I do everything for this man. I do his laundry, would cook for him some days and even clean his house when he wants to have it clean.
Christine, I do not ask him for anything. He gives me money when he wants to, and buys me gifts from time to time. We are both single and both of us have decent paying jobs.
Christine, this is what bothers me. Three years ago, we became engaged after he said he wanted to marry me.
Christine, I am wearing the engagement ring, but each time I bring up the subject of marriage or speak about setting a date for our wedding, he tells me he is not ready yet.
How can he be not ready yet when we have been engaged for that length of time?
I asked him if he is sure that he wants to marry me and he told me yes, he is sure.
Am I wrong for trying to find out how much longer I must wait?
Bearing in mind that finances are not a problem, and there seems to be nothing in our way, why is he delaying?
– L.C.
Dear L.C.,
I cannot tell you why he is delaying the process.
It could be that he is simply not ready to settle down permanently.
I also believe that you have made his life very comfortable by doing his laundry, cooking and cleaning for him, outside the bonds of marriage. What more could he want?
I think you need to ease up from doing those things for him. A new year is approaching and you should enter this new season with some peace of mind and a lot more security than you have now with him.
Giving a person an ultimatum is not always the greatest thing to do, but I believe you have to do this.
Let him know that while you enjoy the relationship, you’ll like for him to at least tell you how soon he thinks he’ll like for you two to marry and settle down.
If he cannot tell you, you must ask yourself if getting engaged was just his way of keeping you, without having to fully commit.
Don’t settle for the current situation if it is making you unhappy.
If you believe you need to break off the engagement, do so. He’ll either prove his love for you, or allow you to go free.
His reaction would determine if his love is true. If it is you’ll know, because he will do whatever it takes to keep you.
– CHRISTINE
