Monday, April 22, 2024

Awards for Windies


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IF CRICKET was a musical art form, the West Indies team would be nominated for a number of Grammy Awards. That’s the naked truth and not even our Rihanna would be able to match them.
And once the organizers implement a few new categories, the Caribbean cricketers would certainly not leave the stage empty-handed.
For sure, the captain Darren Sammy would lead from the front and receive the award for “The Most Encores And Recorded Post-Match Speeches By A Losing Captain Containing A Chorus Of Improvement And Competitiveness”.
Sammy would be a multiple nominee in categories ranging from “Loyalty, Passion And Pride” to “Coping With Pressure From His Critics Who Contend That He’s Not A Good Enough Bowler Or Batsman To Maintain His Place In The Test Team”.
Certainly, his attitude, lion-heartedness and commitment to the cause of West Indies cricket would see him being put forward for the award of “Most Traditional West Indian Cricketer”.
Sammy would also receive an award for “Being Quite Pleased With A Losing Effort” and “Masterpiece Lyrics” for the song “We Were Told There Were No Fifth Day Tickets Printed But We Took The Game Into The Fifth Day”.
The award for “The Team Which Has Continued To Show A Competitive Edge Against Higher Ranked Sides Without Winning” would definitely go to the West Indies.
The announcement from the master of ceremonies would be almost predictable. “The next award goes to “The Team Which Has Been Able To Extend Test Matches Into A Fifth And Final Day Without Winning” And the winner is . . . the West Indies.
After the five-wicket loss to England in the Lord’s Test, the MC would more than likely add another award for “The Team Which Has Been Able To Push The No.1-Ranked Team England And Even Looked Like Winning And Defying The Odds”.
Then the category for “Displaying A Never-Say-Die Attitude With Good Performances From Some Of The Players” would see the Windies also gaining another nomination.
Another award for “Unfinished Recordings” would probably come the West Indies’ way for giving the opposition a scare in certain stages of the match.
A special award: probably for “The Group Of Cricketers Who Have Been Turning The Corner For The Past Ten Years Or More But Are Still Unable To Go Around The Bend”.
Another award would be for “The Team Which Has Been Able To Make The English Media And Many Of The Doubting Thomases In The Caribbean Eat Their Words” would be given to the West Indies.
The West Indies won’t have contenders in the category for “The Best Compilation For Cricketers Not Representing Their Country”.
They would also be high on the list of nominees for “Non-Performers On The International Stage”.
Even coach Ottis Gibson would be nominated for “Making The Most Negative Noises About Players On The Team”.
In turn, the Windies would also be cited for “The Team With Senior Players Unable To Dance To The Beat Of Their Coach While Publicly Blaming Him For Negative Stuff That Hurt Them Mentally And Emotionally”.
Following the Lord’s Test, if an award was to be dished out to the “Best New Artiste”, certainly Trinidadian fast bowler Shannon Gabriel would be the recipient.
The award for the “Best Solo Performance, Especially In Losing Causes” would be given to Shivnarine Chanderpaul.
Chanderpaul would be multiple nominee as he would be singled out for “The Established Batsman Who Has Exposed Tailenders The Most Through His Career, Only To Be Left Stranded In The 80s And 90s”.
Kemar Roach would certainly be rewarded in the category of “Most Improved Fast Bowler” and also for being “The Only Bowler Who Has Consistently Shown That He Is Capable Of Earning Success Against World-Rated Batsmen”.
Even the West Indies Cricket Board’s chief executive officer Dr Ernest Hilaire would be given the “Star Gazer Award” in acknowledgement of his latest remarks that the West Indies need “a star team but not a team of stars”.
And the final award would go to the selectors for “Panel Playing Musical Chairs With Underachievers In The Wicketkeeping And Opening Batting Categories”.


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