Dear Christine,
I am a 38-year-old man and I am still trying to break away from my mother.
She made me a kind of substitute “husband-lover-girlfriend” shortly after she divorced my father when I was in my teens.
As a result I became very mixed up about who I was and it has taken me years in analysis to try to literally get straightened out.
I had a number of homosexual relationships, but somehow I always knew that lifestyle was not quite right for me.
I am in love with a young woman now and am determined to marry her. I am going to need all the determination I can muster, because I can see my mother is already putting up barriers between us.
I never told my mother about any of my gay friends because I did not want to hurt her.
I thought she did not know, but now I’ve learnt she is intimating that I am still homosexual in the hopes she can frighten my girlfriend away.
It won’t work because my girlfriend knows everything about me and my past.
– VIC
Dear Vic,
You’re heading in the right direction and I think it’s time you had an honest talk with your mother. Let her know how her behaviour has influenced your life.
She obviously wants to keep you dependent and all to herself. This has nothing to do with love, and this should be pointed out to her clearly and as unemotionally as possible.
It sounds like you have struggled long and hard to adjust as you now have.
Don’t be afraid to tell your mother you don’t want and will not tolerate her “smotherlove”.
Let her know – respectfully – that the only way she can hope to have your friendship is by cutting the umbiblical cord and respecting you and the woman you plan to marry.
– CHRISTINE
