Dear Christine,
My mother-in-law tries to embarrass me from time to time with the things she can do and which I am now learning to do. This includes preparing meals, which my husband eats and appears to enjoy.
I do not mind getting advice, but it seems she wants to run every part of our lives. If we go out or entertain, she thinks we waste our time on friends. My husband tells me not to take her on. In all fairness to him, he does not take up for her.
What I like least of all is when he visits with his parents, he is almost certain to bring back some advice on how we must live and look after our children.
I do not want this to get out of hand and I do not want an open war. Please advise me.
– Insecure wife
Dear Insecure Wife,
What you are experiencing is nothing new. Your mother-in-law has not yet released her son to live his own life and you are feeling the effects of that.
Do not feel insecure, as your husband seems to be taking the right attitude of not taking on the stream of advice your mother-in-law is sending your way.
Maybe somewhere in the back of his mind, he is hoping that you’ll perhaps take the positive advice and disregard what you do not need.
I’m certain some of the advice she gives is sound.
Your husband is not responsible for what his mother says or does and I do not see him forcing her ideas on you. While I am sure he cares about her, he married you. Thank her for whatever help she can offer by way of sound advice, but stand firm if you disagree. You can be forceful without being unpleasant or disrespectful.
– CHRISTINE