Our extant prime minister may go down in history as “Last Laugh” Stuart. For while his detractors have been ranting for decisions on everything from elections to ejections, he has ignored them all, secure in the knowledge that, if the Mayas got it right, nothing so will matter.
The Mayas predicted, scholars say, that the world could end today, December 21, 2012.
Far be it from me to criticize the Mayas. But surely a date after Christmas would have better suited seeing that many wouldn’t have to pay unpayable bills and we would have had our Christmas food and goodies. I personally have been given two pork legs by Shorey yutes, a ham from Aunt Sylvia and a delicious pepperpot by Guyanese Ann and would like a little more time to do them justice. However, if we gotta go, we gotta go. Amen.
Recently, I was interviewed by two Community College mass comunications students and, peoples, they are hot! Mr Dunlow Lane was supercool, relying on film star looks and winning smile. His main interest seemed to be artificial insemination. Don’t ask me why.
The interview over, however, his partner, Ms Bayfield Belle waxed eloquent about her famous hometown. Bayfield monkeys are as big as her (kinda really big); the moon over Bayfield is so big you can touch it; Bayfield has a superdog named Rocky who survives an average four poisonings per year plus a cutlass slash to his back.
Moreover, there’s a lady in Bayfield who has “Cheez, so many pillows” – one for her head, one for her feet, her back, belly, backside, and “one for between her legs”. I was intrigued as to how she tells them apart – colour-coded, maybe? Remind me to ask Mac Fingall.
My Shorey Village neighbours can’t match Bayfield in the pillows department as far as I know, but if the world is ending, I would like to give thanks for the 35 wonderful years my family has lived among them.
Indeed, they remind me of that song: I love those dear hearts and gentle people who live in my home town, because those dear hearts and gentle people will never never let you down.
“Gentle people” may be stretching it a bit but the rest is true. Never more so than after Tomas when a crew arrived, well rain-proofed with alcohol, and announced: “We come to make you right!” In short order, they had some sort of a roof back over our heads.
Over the years, many of the youngsters have worked for me and continue to do so. The late Joseph “Rugged” Williams told me about this land and secured it for me. “Yank” was a special friend who came to visit and talk. Sad to say, a truck ended his days. “How Yuh” usually arrived in the early morning hours with loud shouts of, “Anybody home?” He too, met with an accident and is still in hospital. “How Yuh” did plantation work before emigrating to England. His is a fascinating life story.
Last Thursday, Shorey Village turned out in full force for the funeral of Cyah, the great-grandfather of my two grands, Raffie and Dominic.
All went well until the pastor began his sermon. Little Dominic, whom I was holding, apparently took issue with some of the theological points being made. He announced his presence with a loud “Grandad!” and then started babbling in tongues at max volume. We had to hustle him outside.
So many stories to tell, like of a Shorey youth who got locked into a house by and with an insatiable girlfriend last week. But the mother of my main man of business, Billy Poop, has taken seriously ill and this is not the time.
Sunday week before last, Martin Hughes came by on one of his regular visits to joke and laugh. Couldn’t believe he would end it all just days later.
And finally, ‘nuff respect to the indomitable Gail Skeete who turned a terminal illness into an opportunity to help others. Her Gift Foundation raised funds for 12 years to assist over 800 women with breast cancer. Rest in peace, Gail, you have done us all proud.
If this Maya thing turns out to be true, so long, people, and may we meet on that beautiful shore. If not, Happy Christmas to all!
• Richard Hoad is a farmer and social commentator.
