The randy Wild Coot mentions his religious mother’s discomfort at living next door to Elsie, a lady of unabashed ill repute. The dapper Rickey Singh, quintessential professional journalist, must suffer similarly in sharing a page with a no hoes barred, gutter columnist. I’m sorry, Rickey, you deserve better.
Last week, however, Rickey made a rare error of judgement when he described me as “influential”. Not so, sir. Never have been. Forsooth, two of my alleged daughters are vegetarians. My wife irreverently ignores my passion for cow belly tripe. I doubt she’s given me any more than six times in nearly 38 years of wedded diss.
And my political hero, Owen Arthur, pursues perilous policies despite my earnest entreaties to the contrary.
However, Rickey may have a point. Maybe I have indeed influenced the great man. Imagine my unbounded surprise and jubilation at seeing Arthur’s Bees bragging in Monday’s Nation that they used only “local talent” at their meetings while the Dems brought in Jamaican Luciano! The Arthur of old, champion of the “all o’ we is one” CARICOM nonsense and alleged employer of illegal Guyanese, would have blasted such action as insular and xenophobic.
Could it be he’s seen the light? Maybe I should go forth and vote after all.
In this last lap column, I would first remind fellow Bajans that only floating voters get any attention. Keep them guessing! Like a lady in the recent Tobago elections. On the night before elections, she was pictured in full Kamla-supporting colours looking enthusiastic. After the PNM victory, she can be seen in her PNM regalia, waving flag and all.
It reminds one of the old Bajan calypso: “Ah drink up all uh Walcott rum and ah vote for Labour . . . .” Walcott was, I believe, the white Conservative candidate.
Or you can take the route of the old lady who was apparently being chastised by a defeated DLP candidate some years ago: “No, Mr Ting, I vote for you. I give the Bees a vote. And that nice fellow who run independent, I give he an X too. I ent lef’ out nobody!” she beamed proudly.
Disillusionment with politicians seems to be universal. It’s dissuaded emailer Patrick Medford from voting in the last three UK elections. “What we need,” he says, “is an option on all ballots called: None of the above.”
There is a terrible downside to elections, however, which we here must guard against at all costs. In an effort to win by any means, politicians resort to dividing and influencing people by highlighting racial, religious, class, location and any other differences. The consequences for a country can be extreme.
In the recent Tobago elections, for instance, the PNM won 12 to 0 against the party that supports Kamla. Now, many of us regard Trinidad and Tobago as an entity, sharing the same destiny and wealth.
Not so, apparently. Tobagonians, it seems, feel resentment against Trinis taking over their lands, their economy and their culture. One politician spoke of a “Calcutta ship” invasion once the elections were over. So they rejected promises of new buses, new gas stations, a new hospital and internal self-government and voted “racist” according to the Trinis.
The Trinis went further, calling for a boycott of that “racist, tribal, lazy, indolent, primitive, barbaric . . . stinking PNM rock” Tobago where “they say you are coming to destroy their culture and take their land”. Tobago tourism will no doubt suffer.
Two lessons here: first, politics is a dirty game. Beware! Secondly, if Tobago feels that way about association with Trinidad, should we not be doubly alarmed?
The rough times for us will come after this election. At time of writing, no manifestos have been released. Winning parties usually assume they have a carte blanche right to push through agendas of which we were never aware. Be vigilant, my friends.
Pubic notice: the young lady who left her string bikini undies at the top of my field may collect same at her convenience.They are “Tracy”, size 3 x L, black Vee and bow with red strings. Fragrance, Revlon’s “Intimate” or Dior’s “Whiff It”. Hard to tell.
One hopes the owner enjoyed the election and that the poll stood up to her expectations.
• Richard Hoad is a farmer and social commentator. Email [email protected].
