Dear Christine,
I have a very serious problem and need your urgent response.
I have a boyfriend whom I have been friends with for the past four years. We were just making plans to get married when I found out he was having an affair with another woman who is now pregnant for him.
We do not have any children of our own and I have become jealous of this other woman. Of course, his unfaithfulness is tearing me apart. He says he is finished with the woman and it’s me he wants as I am the one he truly loves.
Christine, it is very hard for me to come to grips with what has happened. All the while he was having an affair with this woman he was also telling me how much he loves me – yet look what he has done to me!
Doyou think I should end our friendship? Right now I am wondering if getting married and having a child of my own would help. Please, answer me as soon as you can. I do not want to make a bad decision.
– PG
Dear PG,
That child (and its mother) will always be part of this man’s life and, by extension, your life if you marry him.
Are you prepared to spend the rest of your life with the result of his unfaithfulness staring you in the face? If you are okay with this and can forgive him, go ahead and get married – but you’ll have to share him.
Understand that your boyfriend’s actions contradict his words. You’re not dreaming! That child and the child’s mother are realities. He might well be prepared to give them up for you, but he must and should honour his obligations to support that child, so I advise you to think things through.
If you believe he is genuinely sorry and is unlikely to be unfaithful again (although that can never be guaranteed), then by all means forgive him and marry him.
Either way, now is not the time to rush into marriage. Since you are hurting from all that has happened, you may not make the right decision.
Furthermore, having a child with this man will not solve anything. Plan your children well. Don’t compete with this other woman.
If after some time you’re still finding it hard to trust him again, do not marry him. That’s my advice!
– CHRISTINE
