Every day I am hungry, hurt, and my children are in need, but I have nothing to give them. I am here only by the grace of God.
My husband hates me and his efforts are directed at making me suffer so much that I would run away from home. He considers me a blight on his life. He told me as much, saying that when I was not in his life he had money, but now all his savings are gone.
I try to show him that while he was living at his mother he had a chance to save, but now as a married man with a wife and children, there would be more responsibilities he would have to meet.
But he does not want to understand that. He sees me as the problem, so for months now he has not given me any money to buy things for the house – he buys everything.
I would be glad for some work so that I can contribute to buying some of the necessities for the house and take care of myself.
A few weeks ago I did not have enough money to buy deodorant and my husband insulted me about my body odour.
When I told him that was because I had no money to buy deodorant, he just cursed me, but gave me no money.
My husband started behaving like this since our last child was born just over a year ago. His complaint then and now is that I am too fat. I used to weigh about 150 pounds but have ballooned to 190.
He now tells me that I look awful.
When I look at him he turns up his eyes and tells me to go from around since the sight of me makes him feel like vomiting.
He does not have sex with me anymore and sleeps in a chair while the children and I sleep in the one bed.
In the hope that I could save my marriage, I plan to lose weight, so I started to get up early on mornings and do exercises. I wanted to go walking too but he began saying that I wanted to go and meet a man, so I abandoned the exercise.
Though I have lost 12 pounds, that has not stopped his insults. He is still cursing me – and all of this in front of the children.
I am sick of this treatment, but I have nowhere to go. I have no friends to turn to and deep down inside, I still love him.
We got married five years after I came here. I loved him then and I love him now.
I spoke to the pastor who married us and he told him I am an alarmist. I spoke with his mother and she prayed for us, but told me he is behaving just like his father did. I respect her and his family, but I think I am suffering because I am Guyanese.
My husband is wickedly putting in people’s heads that I have changed since I received my Barbados ID card, but that is not so.
My husband can push this idea about me because a lot of Bajans believe that all Guyanese women living here are like men-chasers, and so they paint us as no good.
I know for sure that plenty of Guyanese women do a lot of foolishness here in Barbados when it comes to living with men, whether they are married or not. And that is not right.
But to say so is not fair to many Guyanese women here because most of us do not agree with those women’s actions. I am a married woman and I would not want anybody to have an affair with my husband. So that is wrong!
What Bajans need to understand is that the same thing they are doing to you here they would do to Guyanese women back home.
So I don’t see it as a trait that Guyanese women have – it is a female thing. Women all over the world live with anybody as long as that relationship works for them.
This is the horror that I am living each day, but most people think that there is something else going on, because “a man just doesn’t start to treat his woman so.”
What they don’t know is that for years my husband used to slap me around. Now he does that as well as cursing me in front of the children. One day he was choking me so much that I began catching for breath and I felt that I was going to die. But just because I don’t talk about it, people don’t know what he does.
I have threatened to call the police if he beats me badly again, but he told me if I called them and he was locked up, his family would not let me stay in the house.
For him it always comes down to the house which he is building. He doesn’t want me to be a part of it.
It really hurts me that I could be going through this. This is not fair to me. I love him and have always been good to him. I am not interested in any house; I just want to be happy. I want a better life for me and my sons.
I would advise young women to finish their education and not to be taken in by men’s charm. When you don’t have to depend on anybody for anything, people cannot treat you unfairly and hurt you, especially if you don’t deserve it, like me. (NA)
