Friday, April 12, 2024

DE MARKET VENDOR: Nothing to do with any pit bull


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Dis is my one before de las article in de Nation, so leh me get straight to de points.
I ask de madam a few weeks back if she going to de dog show. “Dog show, Market? What kinda dog I gine see?” De Vendor reply: “A pit bull!”
“Not me and dah dog show, I don’t like neither pit bull, bulldog, Bull Mastif, Afghan Hound, Alistation, Doverman Pincher, none of dem bad dogs, but especially pit bulls. I frighten fuh dem ’cause when dem get hold of yuh dem does lock dem teet like lockjaw and dem does kill human beings.” Nothing could be clearer – de madam did not want to go to de dog show.
Two mornings later she telling me I must call Raymond Gill at Harbour Lights and mek sure I get tickets to see PitBull and Enrique.
“I thought you don’t want to go to de dog show?” “Market, I thought you did talking ’bout de Purina dog show; I didn’t know you did mean my boy PitBull.”
Women! Don’t try to understand dem, but anyway dat show was value fuh yuh money. Raymond can put on a top class show. Less than $200 a ticket to see PitBull and Enrique Iglesias plus nuff other entertainers, everything from parking to potty organise, drinks free and flowing and corn soup and food pun sale to soak it up.
Dem ain’t call it VVIP and skin out yuh pocket, but de show was proper and de PitBull did biting real bad. Enrique had de ladies fainting and when he sing in Spanish, he coulda been cursing yuh but um did sound so sweet. Fuh me de night belong to PitBull and he four dancers – de man rap, he dance, he wuk-up and he never stop and wid four of the fittest-looking females yuh could see in or outa Lent.
Next thing, solid waste tax come and is now law. What an appropriate name because if de 60 per cent increase in water rates, hike in gasoline and diesel prices, land tax increases, de removal of income tax allowances, having to pay fuh tertiary education and de increase in VAT don’t give yuh diarrhoea, then de solid waste tax gine mek yuh doo doo all over yuself. Diarrhoea also coming orally as I listen to some people explaining de justification fuh de tax.
Answer me dis: if I now got to pay a special tax to collect me garbage, wha de hell is all de other taxes I been paying for? Somebody tink we foolish, but dis is just another creative tax pun de backs of we de people.
Next thing, a big song and dance ’bout uniforms in the minivans. Nothing new – uniforms get provide during de las Government, wunnah got short memories? We keep spitting in de air and letting it fall back pun we. We suppose to stop de music pun de vans too but I gine hold muh breath and dese days when yuh open yuh mout and express a point of view, some moron saying yuh belong to dis party or that party, like you can’t criticise a fella without being an opponent.
I got four children and I does tell it like it is to dem. I sorry fuh de politician who believe dat because I got an opinion, I belong to de opposing party.
Look like we gine be smelling hell fuh a long time to come, so gird up wunnah loins and bring out de adult pampers cause de Pitbull coming.
I Market Vendor gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear!


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