Dear Christine,
I am 18 and my boyfriend is 21. We have been friends from the time I was a child, but lately he has started talking to other girls, particularly one other girl.
Whenever I hear anything concerning him and her, I would question him and ask him about their friendship. He tells me I have nothing to worry about and that he wants to make me his wife some day.
Christine, I must admit that I have a fear – if you can call it that. I am leaving the island in another two months to take up residence in another country for a year. I have this overwhelming feeling that my leaving him behind will bring the two of them closer and I will no longer be in the picture.
He keeps telling me to stop worrying about him and the things he does; that he knows what he is doing and he knows what he wants. I want him to keep himself for me until we can be together again, as I intend to keep myself for him.
Do you think I should let him go ahead and be with this other girl? What can I do to make him forget her altogether?
– S.P.
Dear S.P.,
I honestly do not think there is anything you can do to make him forget her altogether. If he truly loves you – as he keeps saying – then he is the one who will have to remain faithful to you despite the distance.
You are both very young and I am sure you will find yourself attracted to other people at some point in time.
As to how you deal with these attractions will be left entirely up to you and the commitment you’ve made to each other. Trust me, both of you have the capability to remain faithful to each other even though you will be miles apart. You just need to know who and what it is you need.
You must face the fact, however, that you do not have complete control over the future.
If he decides to see this young girl, it would be because he wants to do so, not because you “let him be with her”. In addition, there is nothing you can do to make him forget her either. That’s up to him.
There is another side of the coin. That is, there is the possibility that you are reading more into their friendship than there is. Have you given any thought to this?
– CHRISTINE
