Thursday, April 25, 2024

DEAR CHRISTINE: My lover’s making a fool of me


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Dear Christine,

I am not one to talk about my problems. In fact, I am a very personal individual, well educated with a well-paying Government job. I believe myself to be independent, but there is just this one problem in my life.

My boyfriend of eight years seems to take joy in making me a fool. Christine, in the past he has had countless outside relationships and cheated on me numerous times, but I’ve always found it in my heart to forgive him because he would always apologise. I guess if he really wanted to leave, he would have done so already. Added to this is the fact that he has promised to marry me.

In October 2013, while I was pregnant with our second child, I found out he was dealing with another woman. He had this woman on and off for almost as long we were a couple. His mother told him he had to stop dealing with this woman because he already had a family that was about to extend in less than two months.

He swore to me he was done with her, but a year plus later he is still with this woman. This woman would do so much nonsense to him when she is upset, like damage his personal property, curse him or, turn up and make noise outside his mother’s house. Despite all this, he just cannot seem to keep from around her.

When I was preparing for our child and buying things for the baby, he was taking out this woman, buying her things and paying her bills. He even gave her $1 200 to pay her child’s school fees, plus she was supposedly pregnant.

Christine, this man asked me for money last year to help get his car back on the road. I gave it to him, not knowing that he took the money and purchased tickets and clothes for himself and the woman to attend a soca show.

I really love this man but I feel he is using me to fund his guilty pleasure. I am so heartbroken and confused.

– C


Dear C,

I am really sorry to hear about your plight. Love hurts! However, some day (and I hope it is sooner rather than later) you are going to have to come to the realisation that this man cannot really be in love with you and treat you the way he is does.

I am sure it is obvious to anyone who has read your letter that he does not respect you and that (you’re right!) he is using you to help fund his lifestyle. You are his automatic teller machine and he knows the right buttons to press to get cash out of you.

You said he has had “countless outside relationships” within the eight years you’ve been together. Why did you not walk away at least after the second affair? The first could have been considered a mistake, but having countless affairs tells me he just does not care for you the way you would like him to.

I believe that since you’ve put up with his constant straying, he now feels free to do as he pleases, knowing full well that you will always be waiting somewhere in the wings.

Bringing children into the environment which he has created and in which you are currently living is not fair to them.

Anyone can promise marriage, because talk is cheap, but what happens if the two of you should get married? Do you think he will suddenly change? In fact, do you see yourself getting married to him and being happy? Let me answer that question for you: of course not!

I am not saying that people cannot change but the question is, does he want to?

Many times women make the mistake of believing that children will keep a relationship intact. That is not true. In your case, you can walk away, thank God you do not have to deal with a messy divorce and see to it that this man supports his children – although right now, you seem to be in a better position to do so than he is.

Walk away from this two-timing parasite you’re calling your boyfriend of eight years. You appear to be intelligent and nice but you’re allowing him to play you for a fool and selling yourself short. Don’t you think that you deserve better? I do!




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