IT ISN’T EASY being topical when you’re on top of Veoma. I mean, she started out all nice and innocent in her virgin column.
Next thing, she has crabs down there, vicious biting “cribs”. Then it’s wild boars and last week a monster rat. This page ain’t safe no more with them vermins running around.
Nevertheless let’s take a stab at what’s app. Imagine the mighty German battleship Bismarck, her rudder disabled, being pounded relentlessly by British warships. Imagine a Mississippi slave pursued by slavering hounds, nowhere to run. Imagine a terrified goat, four legs ripped by ravenous wild dogs, just waiting to be eaten alive.
That, my friends, is where our Prime Minister found himself last week. The Wickham poll had spoken. He was finished. Landslide for Mia on the cards.
Yet a week later the man has confounded his critics and will go down in history as Freundel Stuart, the completor of independence. Strategy at its brilliant best. The biggest comeback kid since Billy C. got caught letting Monica L. blow his sax.
Fortuitous factors favoured Froon. White people turning out (unwisely, it seems) to search for a missing woman put the focus on race. A Bees spokesman handed everything to Froon on a platter by raising a hornet’s nest against the “elite” and privileged whites.
Then came Froon’s masterstroke. He has a list of those who took advantage of a scheme offered by a supposedly reputable insurance company. The country reeled in terror. Might he not also have lists of those who take advantage of Red Dot specials? Or even those who took part in that search? No one messes with a man with lists.
Finally he rammed it home. Ditch the white queen! No referendum, no public debate, no nothing. Who will dare oppose? If Lee Kuan Froon say so, is so.
I predict Froon will declare himself “ceremonial” president, Donville, Prime Minister. The Dems home and dry.
But why stop there, Froon? The Bees misled this country by allowing the impression that the alternative to a British monarch was a republic. Total nonsense. Republic and banana go together rather too well. A king stands head and shoulders above any president. So why not go the whole hog? Were other Stuarts not kings of England?
Let Barbados continue as a monarchy. Declare yourself “King Froon the One”. Our anthem about fields and hills being our very own is now irrelevant. So how about a new one with an old tune:
God save our gracious Froon, long may we sing his tune, God save the Froon. (Music: Pum, pum, pum, pum) Send him vainglorious, of silence notorious, or accents stentorious, God save the Froon!
Trust me, peoples, monarchy is big business. Thousands would flock to see our king in open carriage drawn by six white horses, bands playing, militaries marching.
So what else is app? Let me slip this one in: I hear homos claim they are wealthy worldwide so we should encourage buggery tourism to help the economy. The same claim is made for casinos, for marijuana legalisation, and now for bringing in young foreign girls so beer-drunk, pot-guts men can sex them in every demeaning way. All in the name of the almighty dollar.
Please, people, if we decide on any of these, let it be because we feel it is right, not because it will help our ailing economy. Let us Barbadians be ever able to walk with our heads held high, poor, maybe, but decent.
Next app. The Ministry is holding a big national agricultural conference at the end of March. Nuff fancy topics. They simply don’t understand. The sugar cane industry has been bungled beyond recognition.
I am at this time trying to save yet another goat mauled by stray dogs, the fifth killed or maimed in recent weeks. A sheep farmer by St Andrew’s Church reports heavy losses. Ditto a goat farmer in Bawdens. And many more. Dogs have been seen thrown out of cars in this area and abandoned. Vegetable farmers are losing heavily to thieves despite spending thousands on security.
We see task force personnel with guns apparently hunting sea-egg poachers. But our crops and livestock seemingly merit no consideration or protection.
For God’s sake, government, tackle the real issues and stop the long talk.
Richard Hoad is a farmer and social commentator. Email [email protected].
