Dear Christine,
I HOPE my letter finds you in good health. Here’s my story and I need your take on the matter.
I will be 40 years old in a few weeks and I’ve been spending the last few months going over my life. I am the mother of a 17-year-old son but have never been married. Here’s why.
Although I have been in love with three guys over the years, I’ve never been able to say “yes” to any of them.
My son’s father left me when I was pregnant. I loved him and thought we could have made it together but it seemed he was only in it for the fun.
Years after he walked away – about five years to be exact – he called one day and said he was sorry he had not stuck around to take care of me and our son.
He had skipped the country and eventually married a young woman in one of our neighbouring islands. That marriage did not work out and he returned home.
We hooked up for a while – minus any intimacy because within weeks, he began a relationship with a woman much younger than I was. That lasted for six months before he was back at my door asking me if we could move beyond all that happened between us and make a go of things.
I told him bluntly I was not interested in forming a sexual relationship with him based on his past record.
He asked me if I wanted marriage and my response was “no”. He began to support his child but left my life again to live abroad when my son was ten years old. We never heard from him until two years ago when he explained that he had gotten married but had also divorced his second wife because “things were not working out”.
Since his return home two years ago, he has convinced himself that his two marriages failed because he gave up on me when I was pregnant with his son and I refused to “get involved” with him.
Christine, he has tried his best to make me feel guilty, but it has not worked. It is true that he asked me to marry him on more than one occasion. It is also true that I have been asked on two other occasions by past boyfriends to settle down.
Do you think I have a problem settling down, so to speak? Most women look forward to being asked to tie the knot. On the contrary, I do not. I guess I am still searching for that right fit.
I’ve seen my friends rush into marriages with the fathers of their children only to divorce within a matter of five years or so. Me? I’m quite happy to be single until I know that I know that I know I’ve found “the one”.
My friends tell me time is slipping away but I honestly think I’ve done the right thing. When I look back at the three men who asked me to marry them, I realised that my refusals were for the best.
One of them is now terminally ill and the other, who was a businessman at the time, was hauled before the court for fraud and is now serving time. As for my son’s father, he’s doing his own thing with any willing partner.
Yes, I may be afraid to tie that knot, but it certainly beats getting married to the wrong person and for all the wrong reasons, don’t you think?
– R.K.
Dear R.K.,
You’ve asked for my take on what you’ve written, but all I’ve seen is a woman who wanted to share some of her life experiences with the public at large.
I don’t mean that in a bad way. I just mean that every now and then we want to get things off our chest or simply share our experiences with others who may learn a lesson from what we choose to share. It’s all right to do so.
What I also see is a woman who is willing to wait for what she considers to be the very best. Again, I see nothing wrong with this. That you’ve made some wise choices over the years is commendable.
I’m sure your instincts will allow you to say yes to Mr Right when he finally comes along.
– CHRISTINE
