JAMAICANS SAY, “Everyting criss,” meaning that all is well. Chris – a former colleague – had never really made an impact on me; and I never could seem to remember his name. So, imagine my shame earlier this week when he spotted me in the supermarket.
Christophine in hand, I get caught unawares.
“Look mi fren!” he screams to the people around, who seem as surprised as I am. The only thing I recognise is a heavy Jamaican accent. However, I do not recognise him. He walks up to me and embraces me, as I politely but half-heartedly return the favour.
“Chris!” he shouts.
Confused, the only thing I could reply was, “Yes, I criss, thanks!”
“No, it’s me, Chris; you nuh remember me?”
Reader, I lied. I said something to the effect that I could never forget him, even if I tried. Chris, if you’re reading this online in Jamaica, I am very sorry and am a bit of a coward since I couldn’t make the admission to your face. Please give Shanique Myrie and her attorneys a big hail for me.
Let’s move from Chris to Jack.
I was with Paul Ashby when I heard the extradition news. Paul was buying a chick on Nelson Street, close to Zanzibar night club, but it was daytime. Half-past twelve, to be exact.
If ever you’re on the corner of Nelson Street, you’d see some of the cutest chicks ever. Yellow, furry and chirping lustily; they’re sure to melt even the heart of a Wild Coot.
Four-letter F word
But that four-letter ‘F’ word has come back to haunt the businessman-cum-ex-FIFA chief-cum-politician. I real sorry for him, but let’s see how this all plays out; because he is certainly crying “foul” all now, as he sits in the penalty box, awaiting his fate.
What I could say about Jack the politician is that many people still speak about the positive impact of his tenure as minister of national security. But the jokes have already begun. “Yuh pull a Jack on mih?” is a frequent question these days; and it has nothing to do with a deck of cards.
Before I go, I want to ask a question. We still have a shortage??? It brought water to my eyes to read about an expert claiming that we can’t make up for the previous rainfall deficit. Almost sounds like a bad budget!
The Alexandra School was closed due to flooding, people in Speightstown were wading through water, my potted plants all died; drowned and pummelled by rain . . . and we have a water shortage?!?
Joyann Haigh, please to come out and explain what’s really going on in layman terms, because people like me can’t understand that logic, hear?
I had to bathe with two bottles of Perrier the other morning; perhaps the most expensive shower in my life. But I found a treasure. A standpipe. They are few and far between. So, if you see me lathering up on the side of the road, it’s because of the “deficit”!
Veoma Ali is an author, broadcaster, advertising exec and, most important, a karaoke lover.