A FEW DAYS AGO, I told my wife that being a parent is a really tough job and the only job tougher is being a spouse. We have sat down on numerous occasions and tried to figure out how single parents manage and we still can’t figure it out. To all you single parents out there doing your best and sacrificing for your children, I salute and commend you for your efforts.
My wife and I are so different and I think it’s those differences that make our relationship joyful. There are two areas we differ the most in – movies, we watch and books we read. I love war, military, action movies whereas she immediately turns to dramas and sci-fi. As it relates to books, my side of the book press is filled with books on leadership, developing the mind, politics, world leaders and spiritual development. Hers, on the other hand, focuses on human development stages, autism, cerebral palsy, parenting skills, creative learning activities, paediatrics, anatomy and skeletal movement, and the like.
My wife is an occupational therapist who works mainly in paediatrics and it is a normal occurrence to see her reading some book that would help her in the job she totally loves. Over the weekend, I entered the bedroom and saw one of her books on the bed: Creative Correction – Extraordinary Ideas For Everyday Discipline by Lisa Whelchel. I have never read any of my wife’s books but something was pulling me towards this one, so I picked it up, opened to Page 19 and just started reading. What Lisa Whelchel was sharing hit me like a boulder and I was like “wow”, I needed to hear this. I believe those four paragraphs have helped to put things in perspective as it relates to my expectations as a parent.
Below, I have shared those paragraphs, hoping there is something there for you as well. I don’t think the book is sold here but I encourage you to purchase it as it contains a wealth of information to assist you in your parenting journey.
Lisa Whelchel writes (on Evaluating Our Priorities, Page 19):
“When it comes to having misplaced priorities, I’m definitely guilty! Much of the time, my goal in parenting is simply to have well-behaved children – not for some higher, godly purpose, but for my own peace and quiet. My life is so much simpler and more enjoyable when the kiddos obey me without arguing and when they get along with each other. As a result, I’m quick to correct them, sometimes in anger when my comfort is disturbed, without considering how I’m modelling God to them.
“What hidden motives do you sometimes have? Do you ever struggle with pride? I do. It’s easy to want other people to admire our little ones and, in effect, praise out parenting skills. When out kids are on their best behaviour, it makes us, their parents, look good. And when someone notices, it can feel as though all our hard work is finally paying off.
“For some people, being prideful isn’t their main stumbling block. But is guilt? Some of us base our parenting priorities on how guilty we feel. We have this false, often unrealistic ideal of how our children should behave; and when they don’t cooperate, we blame ourselves, thinking we’re doing something wrong. All of these motivations – desire for peace and quiet, pride and guilt – are understandable. But they are still wrong. If we parent with the wrong motives, we will ultimately crumble when the ‘growing’ gets tough. So it’s vital that we step away from the pandemonium of parenting from time to time and remind ourselves of the true goal – to have kids who are drawing an accurate picture of God in their hearts and learning how to relate to Him as their Creator each day.
“Modelling God to our kids is a tall order. In fact, I would be the first to admit that my representation of God is imperfect. But that’s the nature of a reflection. It’s backward in a mirror, upside-down in a spoon, blurry in a window and always one-dimensional. Though we should strive to be godly, we can never perfectly reflect God. Instead, our goal should be to ensure that our reflection of God draws our children closer to Him – and that it makes them long to touch the real thing.”
• Corey Worrell, a former Commonwealth youth ambassador, is director of C2J Foundation Inc., a project-based NGO focusing on social development.
