MY BROTHER IS PLANNING to get married next year June so he recently got engaged to the young lady he has been seeing. However, most members of the immediate family – my mother, my two sisters, my two brothers and I – have all discussed and looked at the situation and have come to the conclusion that it is not the best step forward for him. I must state upfront and confess that I would do anything within the boundaries of the law to see it called off. I also recognise that the longer I wait and hope for it not to happen, that time will roll on and it will most likely take place.
The young lady is quite aware that one of my sisters and my two brothers are diametrically opposed to our brother marrying her; they have actually told her so openly. My brother is very aware of the friction between her and them, and that there is no warmth between his girlfriend and his other siblings. My mother loves all her children and tries her best not to make any feel guilty, sad, or lesser a person than the others. She has not expressed her feelings openly. But in conversations, certainly with all of us when my brother is away from the house, she expresses her fear and concerns.
My brother is 25 years old and this woman he is seeing and plans to marry is two years younger than he is. My brother was raised without a father permanently in the house, as our father works overseas. He was once a farm labourer but stayed on and worked there. He supported us financially, and would even send a bonus for our mum when possible. However, he has clearly met another woman and has opted to give primary focus to his new family which includes as far as I know one biological offspring and one adopted child. So we have fended for ourselves in a large way for the past 20 years. My mother’s children range in age from 19 to 30. Two are already married and another is in a live-in relationship.
The reason why we are so angry about our brother getting all tied up with this young woman is because of her past actions, which we feel still dictate who she is today. Of course, people can change, but in a small society such as ours, people do not forget and will never let you live down certain things. This woman at 23 years old may have had sexual relationships with at least ten men. While I am no prude, I find this disgusting and unacceptable. My brother, growing up rather sheltered and doing his best to try and get a good education, spent a lot of his late teen and early 20s focusing on his studies, at the Barbados Community College and then the Cave Hill campus. At one stage we started to worry as he never had a girlfriend and while he would talk to girls and was close with a few, he was more interested in sports, gaming apps and trying to complete his studies. Since completing his studies he has been focusing on gaining a professional qualification in his chosen area and trying to establish himself in the job.
He met this young lady while out in the field doing work for his companies. She seems to have been magnetic, as clearly has been the case with all the previous relationships. She considers herself a looker and likes to dress down, especially when going out to any event. So she is always on Facebook and Instagram with her friends sharing this and that. It was through this medium I first got to see her, and with at least three of the previous fellows she had been going out with. Some of the comments, and indeed her replies all coloured with the worst language you would hear in a fish market, did not impress me or my siblings. My brother simply shrugged his shoulder.
While my brother wants to further his studies to do an MBA or even a CFA on successful completion of what he is now pursuing, this young woman wants to look hot, go to every event that is the talk of the town and live a sweet life. She has a two-year-old child who she leaves with her grandmother to look after as she is too busy trying to be a player.
My sister actually confronted her, suggesting to her that she move on and leave our brother alone. She was obviously very angry and responded with the most abusive language. Then my sister quietly asked her, “How many men have you been with?” The only thing she did not do was to take of her clothes in response. Since then she has told our very close cousin that she has had four relationships and she regrets them all. Based on what is posted on Facebook and all the word making the rounds, we know it is certainly at least eight and counting. She isn’t just the girl from down the alley who has made a few unfortunate mistakes – in our eyes she is the alley, an easy relief for many men.
As a young woman, also in a relationship, I have come to understand how they think. I had one boyfriend prior to my current relationship. My current boyfriend and I are also planning to get married next year, and one of the questions, not only he, but indeed his parents asked me and very pointedly was: How many boyfriends have you had prior to this relationship with our son?” My answer seem to have brought some relief, except the further question: Are you telling the truth? Hope so, as the truth has a way of getting out there.”
I feel the same way for my brother. I don’t expect my brother may get a virgin to take down the aisle, neither will he end up with Miss Perfect, but at the same time I must confess I do not want him to have a wife whose past suggests that she was nothing more than community property. These things can go to your head.