LET ME TELL YOU, I feel good. I feel like I was given a million dollars. This week I celebrated six amazing years of marriage. Generally six is considered a small number but the type of society and world we currently live in, six years of marriage is a big thing.
Marriage is very rewarding but it is also very hard work. Just as we plan and prepare for most important things in our lives (such as exams and careers), we should also plan and prepare for marriage.
I believe people let their emotions, desires as well as peer and family pressure rush them into marriage without being prepared or having a plan and as a result, things quickly fall apart. I am a huge supporter of marriage between a man and a woman, not only because it is God’s plan or because research shows the benefits of marriage, but because I have seen how it has positively added to my life.
There are many people who have contributed to the man I am today but without a shadow of a doubt, my wife has been the greatest contributor. I do not believe women understand the enormous role they play in the development of a man. I am a better man because of my wife. I strongly believe that some men do not really know who they are or their true potential until they meet the right woman. Women have a unique gift in helping a man birth his gifts, talents and potentials.
I have had many awesome years of friendship and six amazing years of marriage. I am no marriage consultant or relationship guru, but I want to share with you six things that have helped me in my marriage. There are in no specific order and I have not prepared the list so I will write as it comes.
1. Share the same values and beliefs.
A conflict in religious beliefs and moral values will destroy your marriage. Religious beliefs inform moral values, which then inform attitudes, mindsets, behaviours, characteristics, ethics, rules, discipline, expectations and so on. Can two walk together unless they agree? Can a house divided against itself stand? If there is division, parenting will become ugly and filled with lots of quarrelling and anger.
2. Always be honest and communicate often.
Never lie; always be honest, even if the truth will hurt. Your spouse must be confident in knowing you will always be truthful with him or her. Talk, talk, talk and talk some more. Talk about any and everything. You should talk with your spouse more than you talk to anyone else. This is one of the best ways to learn and understand the person.
3. Operate in your strengths and don’t try to change your spouse.
People function better when working in their strengths and areas they like. There are things in the house each spouse will gravitate to; let them do that. Where areas arise that no one wants to do, discuss it, share the load or as a husband, just pick up the slack. It isn’t your role to change your spouse; that’s God’s job. You should set the right examples that they could emulate and encourage them in what is right.
4. Be each other’s No. 1 fan.
Be their biggest supporter and groupie. You don’t have to pretend to like everything they do, but you have to show interest and always seek to show up and help. Ask questions, pay attention and offer suggestions.
5. Seek at all times to please each other.
I believe the No. 1 cause of divorce is selfishness. A spouse should be selfless, thinking of the other’s needs first. This is contradictory to the “I and me” society we live in and as a result, will call for great strength and sacrifice to attain. ‘How can I please my spouse’ should always be on your mind.
6. Respect, honour and be kind to your spouse.
Never wilfully embarrass your spouse. If you aren’t doing something with good motives or a good heart, don’t do it. If your actions and words aren’t kind, seek forgiveness immediately. Ask yourself, “Would my spouse approve of this?” If not, leave it out.
There is a lot more I can share but I think these six are a good place to start. Now that I have hit six years, I am a step closer to getting to 50. Marriage, the second best decision I ever made.