EARLIER THIS WEEK a conversation unfolded about prenuptial agreements. As usual and thankfully, it sparked an interesting and dynamic debate on the topic. I personally have always said that there is no need for prenuptial, midnuptial or postnuptial agreements in a marriage.
Most people I have spoken to about this practice seem adamant that it has no place in a marriage. Even when I cited a case where an international comedian and actress fired her lawyer after the lawyer suggested that her husband sign a prenuptial agreement. Years later, she divorced and with the absence of a prenuptial agreement, her husband walked away with $150 million.
One statement which struck a chord with me during the debate was, “Prenuptial agreements are the rich’s way of ensuring they are being married for love.”
Firstly, although many of my examples in this particular column are from situations with wealthy people, prenuptial agreements are not only executed by the rich. As one person declared, he has a two-bedroom bungalow and a Toyota. His future wife (whenever she comes) would have to sign the dotted line understanding that the property and car are not and will never be hers.
The precious and priceless thing about love is that it can neither be bought nor contractually arranged. I would rather state that unlike the aforementioned statement, prenuptial agreements are the rich’s way of ensuring their money remains theirs. I personally know of a gentleman who shouted to friends that “I do it because if she divorce me, she cannot get a cent.”
There is a European case where one gentleman assumed that time could buy his love and therefore implemented a sunset clause in his prenuptial. Needless to say, as soon as the time came (ten years), his wife swiftly divorced him and walked away with hundreds of millions of dollars.
Seeking alimony
One person quite interestingly suggested that one of the best careers a person can have is to marry a person of great financial means without a prenuptial agreement and divorce after a couple of years. This conflicted with the view of some local divorce attorneys who stated that in most instances the spouse seeking alimony is never rewarded as justly and handsomely as they expect.
A close friend recently lamented that for them, the conversation about a prenup for a couple embarking on marriage is a red flag. Indeed it must be an uncomfortable process. I believe it depends on the culture. Barbados does not have a huge culture of such agreements in marriage – at least not as yet. As a result, the sentiments against prenuptials come as no surprise.
We do have a follow-pattern mentality with certain things and it just takes one major landmark local case to occur for people to start to engage the idea.
I am curious about how the church views prenup, mid-nup and post-nup agreements.
True love is selfless. I cringe at the thought of telling my future husband that a car is mine and drawing a line in the sand on what is mine versus his. I believe that this would be the beginning of situations I hear of where people even begin to fight over whose butter it is in the fridge. There is no space in a relationship for selfishness. However, what do I know. I am a 20-something bachelorette with no children. What are your thoughts?
Toni Thorne is a young entrepreneur and World Economic Forum Global Shaper who loves global youth culture, a great debate and living in paradise. Email: Tonithorne@hotmail.com