FOUR THINGS HAPPENED to me right on the heels of the Women’s March that I wanted to highlight.
They are unacceptable and reflect some of the ways in which women still have to fight for some modicum of respect – even here in Barbados. I swear I couldn’t even make up these scenarios. Before people steupse their mouth and state that, like Madonna and her profanity-laced speech, I want attention. I don’t. I just want certain men to know that their actions are in no way cute.
Men should never verbally attack women. Heckling women is grossly disrespectful. In fact, for the majority of women who don’t reciprocate the interest, it is harassment. What right-thinking woman would want to be with a man she met harassing every woman who passed him on the street? It is the same reason I feel that if you meet a man through his randomly messaging you on social media, it makes no sense. How many other people has he done that to?
Shrugging and giving men the impression that we should take it as a compliment is an enabling tactic. This week, I went to purchase some tools from a shop. Upon leaving, a man approached me quite politely and asked if I wanted my car washed. I declined and explained that I already committed to someone else to clean my car exclusively – a friend and young entrepreneur. After I responded, another man I met via business started to curse me and verbally assault me. He was then joined by some other men who simply found it amusing.
I asked the reason for their behaviour and got no response. The men found it funny and the main culprit used it as an opportunity to berate me for perhaps not doing business with him in 2016. What the men did not know was that I had turned down a business deal with the chief culprit. I had approached him to do some work and after charging me three times the market rate, he turned to me and said I could “add a li’l $20 fuh profit” for myself. I wondered if he was just purely dishonest, thought I was Paris Hilton or just found it acceptable to take advantage of a young woman in business. Let’s bet on all three. Men have to be very careful how they encourage other men in berating women. You never know the underlying reason.
At a recent social gathering, one woman lamented that she hated being introduced to some men at corporate functions. According to her, their eyes focus more on her breasts than looking into her eyes. We joked and asked whether her cleavage was showing (although that was not important). She clarified that it never was. There are many men who cannot move beyond seeing women solely as sex objects – even in corporate settings. I have been in gatherings with men where I was the only female. The discussion, on more than one occasion, went from trends in business and disruptors such as Uber and Air BNB to whether I have a man and what my thoughts were on certain sexual fantasies. I noticed that when the conversation took these turns the questions were always directed at me – the lone woman.
Recently, I visited a service supplier to conduct a job. Prior to the visit, I was told that he doesn’t think that women should work. To quote the person who forewarned me: “He wife doan wear pants and he is one ah dem types that believe women should be seen and not heard.” Immediately, I knew I would dislike this man and it would take all the tea in China for him not to turn my stomach. Nonetheless, off I went. I figured he couldn’t be as bad as those “male empowerment activists” that believe that a woman could do with a slap every now and then.
When I arrived, I explained what I wanted. It was a simple procedure and one which he always does. I don’t believe in playing games with people so although I was advised to wear a long flowing skirt, I wore long jeans. My philosophy was that I went to do business not marry the man. It should be noted that I was the only female in the establishment for the duration. The man curtly told me: “I don’t do that. Sorry”. I then had to firmly say: “No, sir. Yes, you do. You do it for people, all the time.” The man did not even deny it. He simply replied with the cost to conduct the procedure and muttered to return in two weeks for collection.
These are everyday situations many women have to deal with. Some are worse than mine. Unfortunately, I don’t think staging a march in Barbados would change anything.
Toni Thorne is a young entrepreneur and World Economic Forum Global Shaper who loves global youth culture, a great debate and living in paradise. Email: Tonithorne@hotmail.com