RECENTLY I HAVE been finding myself spending a li’l longer time than I did before pon the family notices and obituary pages in the Sunday newspapers.
Tuh be truthful, this ain’t anything dat I ever did in my life but I suppose it is the age dat I at right now. Now I gine tell ya: it ain’t nuh laughing matter but sometimes I does find myself smiling at some of dem when I take the time tuh go through dem.
I thought it was only me who used tuh do dat sorta thing but the other day I was hanging wid some friends and the conversation start up ’bout funerals. Well, it went from one thing tuh the next. Duh went from the people who put in the pictures o’ the person when duh was in duh 20s and the body is now all the way in up duh late 80s.
Duh talk ’bout the body, as I say in duh 80s or 90s as still being the daughter or son of the late so and so. As one body say, ya hardly know dem far less duh mother and father who would be way past a hundred by now.
Duh talk ’bout the families overseas who ain’t know one thing ’bout the parents and how duh look. If duh gain or lost weight; duh ain’t peep back here in ages and duh only hearing ’bout the parents being sick and getting down but duh ain’t come home tuh check dem when duh sick, only when duh done dead.
Now this same parent dat dem ain’t had the time tuh check in donkey years might’ve been looked after by a sibling or some other relative, so the overseas family member won’t have a clue if duh get fat or duh is now half the size duh was.
But duh come home fuh the funeral, full o’ guilt, wid the most exotic outfit dat is twice the size o’ the body and doing a number if the other family members refuse tuh use it because it too big, ain’t look right, aint look good and it ain’t suit the body at all.
Some o’ dem say dat duh ain’t want nuh big lot o’ fanfare and one or two like me say duh ain’t want nuh eulogy neither. Duh say dat people does tell too many lies in dem eulogies, and ya does want tuh look ’bout and make sure ya at the right funeral.
One lady had me cracking up when she say dat she was sitting next tuh a family member and when the Reverend was talking, and the family member ask her who the Reverend was talking bout. Now dat was funny.
Then duh start tuh talk ’bout the people who does stand by and check out the different types o’ funerals dat gine in the cemetery and join in the do tuh find out who got anything going on after, so duh could find out where it is, then go and mingle wid the crowd and partake in the goings on, especially the drinks.
One o’ the ladies say dat funerals nowadays like weddings. She say dat the way the people dressing you would swear dat duh gine tuh somebody wedding. It ain’t nuh more mourning nutten; it is barely another event. As long as duh hear nuh mourning colours, it does seem tuh give dem licence tuh wear wha duh like.
Doan talk ’bout the young girls at all: dem ain’t got nuh kinda regard fuh nuhbody church. Church is another outing. The same clothes duh wear tuh a fete wid the low-backs, splits and plunging neck-lines dat leave nothing tuh the imagination, duh does wear tuh funerals and if ya miss and look at dem too hard, wha’ loss, ya gine get a tongue-lashing outta this world.
Dat is why I say in the beginning dat even though it is suppose tuh be a sad affair, it does make ya laugh.