by
Jomo Phillips MSSW-MFT (Clinical Fellow AAMFT)
Couple & Family Therapist/Clinical Social Worker
Over the last few weeks, I have been particularly affected and distressed by several incidents. One of these incidents has been hearing about several reports of children experiencing sexual abuse. Another incident that concerned me was the reports on a child’s maltreatment at the Government Industrial School.
It made me think about the parents and guardians who have not caused any harm and would be in the role of nurturing these children who might have experienced trauma. Trauma involves incidents that make children insecure about their safety and leaves them experiencing overwhelming fear, hopelessness, helplessness or horror. Experiences like sexual abuse, physical abuse, and maltreatment are examples of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs).
The research indicates that based on the frequency of children’s exposure to ACEs, there is an increased risk for various adverse health outcomes, including mental illnesses, chronic diseases, infectious diseases, and risky behaviour like drug and alcohol misuse in adulthood. I often explain to parents and guardians that they are vital assets in their children’s lives. Being aware of trauma and becoming trauma-informed as a parent can make a significant difference in the life of a child who has experienced trauma.
Trauma-informed parenting (TIP) involves an effort to provide children with a sense of safety. One way to give this safety is to physically and emotionally be available. I often inform parents that to be available for your child, who has experienced trauma, might require you to be extra patient because it is not uncommon for traumatised children to engage in acting out behaviour. Availability might look different depending on the child’s age. For example, younger children might need to be physically comforted, while older children might need to know that their parent or guardian is simply around. Having routines and predictability also increases young people’s sense of safety.
Traumatic experiences activate people’s fight or flight response system. The Child Welfare Information Gateway has pointed out the importance of caregivers being aware of what they do or expose their child to that might trigger this fight or flight response. As they point out, one cue to caregivers that something might have triggered their child is if their child acts disproportionately to a particular situation. If they notice a child suddenly becoming afraid or upset, there might have been something that they have been exposed to that precipitated a traumatic memory. It might help remove the child from what has started that fight or flight response if we recognise what is happening.
Similarly, because we are relational beings, and others can help us regulate ourselves, if we notice our young person becoming distressed, we can do things to help that young person self-regulate. Parents can use strategies like softening their voice, slowing their speech, and accepting and validating their child’s feelings. It is essential in situations like this that we also do not rely on physical punishment because this decreases safety for the child and might increase the fight or flight response activation system.
TIP also involves parents encouraging their children to have a voice; this is particularly important because trauma often consists of an experience of powerlessness. Giving children a voice can include encouraging children to speak about their experiences when ready to do so. It is just as necessary not to force children to talk about a traumatic event if they do not want to. The effect of forcing a child to talk about a traumatic event they do not want to talk about can mean they will not feel safe and, worse, be flooded with traumatic memories.
No one wants their child to experience a traumatic event, but unfortunately, childhood trauma is much more common than we might want to admit as a community. Being conscious of trauma and becoming trauma-informed as a parent can create a substantial positive change in the life of a child who has experienced trauma. TIP practices including ensuring safety, reducing exposure to re-traumatisation, helping children regulate, and giving children a voice. A trauma-informed parent is an essential barrier against many of the adverse health outcomes that ACEs can precipitate.
