Dear Christine, I AM a 37-year-old woman, recently separated, but not divorced. I have been seeing a 47-year-old man who is also separated but not divorced from his wife. We have been a couple for about a year, and I do not understand why he does not get a divorce.
When his wife (who has also been seeing someone for more than a year) found out we were seeing each other, it got ugly. She came to our place of employment (her ex and I work at the same office) and tried to get me fired. Fortunately, she was unsuccessful. She also tried to get physical.
She told me she is his wife and that she tells him what to do, and she “owns him”. At that point I had to stop seeing him.
After a month apart, I became really depressed, and we hooked back up. We go out and enjoy each other’s company and the sex is amazing. He told me he has never felt like this with any other woman, nor has he ever introduced anyone to his daughter (who loves me dearly).
We are taking things slower and more carefully, but I am falling in love. He tells me he misses me when we are intimate and how grateful he is for me. But it is not enough. I want more, but I do not want to scare him away. Is this a dead-end relationship? Should I be patient, or should I just walk away?
– W.B. Dear W.B., I have to wonder why, after a year, you are not in the process of being divorced yourself.
You also need some straight answers about what keeps this man under his wife’s thumb.
Legally, she is still his wife, but she appears to have serious mental issues. Is the reason financial? Emotional? Once you know, you will have a better idea of what to do. I am also troubled by the fact that she is so volatile. She is not only controlling him, but also you. That is not healthy.
If I were in your shoes, I would step away from the relationship, go through my own divorce, then stay put for a while before starting another relationship so soon.
Sex may be amazing with this guy, but both of you are still married to other people.
– CHRISTINE
