You evah realise dat it is only after somebody dead dat ya does hear all and only good things bout dem? Ya does hear good things from the day duh born up tuh the day or night duh dead.
You evah notice dat at every single funeral you have evah attended, nuh matter what you know or thought you knew about the body lying down there in dat casket, you does hear something completely opposite?
So much so dat you does sometimes second-guess ya’self and wonder if you at the right funeral or if the body in there changed completely the night or day before he or she dead.
I know quite a few o’ ya’all reading this column now have been in a similar position like this. I also know dat some o’ wunna, like me, during and after the reading o’ the eulogy, had tuh look ’round the church easy tuh see if you could spot anybody who did know this person like you, who the family member just talk bout.
Look, I have a good friend who like tuh read this column and then call me and tell me dat somebody gine beat me because I does open my mout and talk evah single thing. And then she does say, “But it is true though.”
I know when she read this she gine dead wid the laugh but listen tuh this. She used tuh work fuh this person who I would call a rebel boss, fuh years. Now the man din easy and she is the first tuh admit it. But anyway, the man get sick and dead one time and leh me tell ya, all of a sudden the man became an instant saint at the funeral.
All along this man used tuh give this said same woman blizzits, ya know. He used tuh be cussing and carrying on like a old sailor but she tell me dat she and all o’ the other employees take part in the funeral and a whole lot o’ foolishness and dat he had a real sweet funeral.
Well, well, well. All the time I was listening tuh this woman talking, I was shaking my head. It looked like the man changed completely the night before he dead.
Another set o’ people who does be the best thing since slice bread when duh dead is the fellows who ya does hear get shoot down in the streets or pon the block.
All of a sudden, ya does hear how nice and helpful duh was. How he only used tuh like he partying and thing but he nevah used tuh interfere wid nuhbody. How he doan do nuhbody nutten and dat he used tuh move real cool and come in and make a lot o’ sport and ting wid he family.
Ya does hear dat he would give his mother anything she want, but remember, he nevah used tuh wuk nuhwhere, he refuse tuh drive a stroke fuh a boy and, come rain or shine, he just used tuh be out pon the block chilling and enjoying heself wid the boys. Now look wha’ dem gone and do, dem kill off this good boy just so. All of a sudden the body does become the original saint.
You could imagine dat it is only the real good people who does be dying and gine ’long so? Wha’ if all o’ these good people keep dying out so, wha’ gine happen tuh we? Ya mean we got tuh end up living wid the bad ones? Well, I tell ya!
Mavis Beckles was born and raised in The Orleans. She has an opinion on everything.
