Well, I gotta say it like the old people: this world gone mad as France.
You would know dat evahbody ain’t gine say France, depending on the body who talking. Duh might use a different adjective and then again duh got another set o’ people who would use some more serious expletives tuh describe and express how duh feel. But howevah ya look atit, whenevah ya look around ya does see something or somebody tuh make ya say dat this world gone stark staring mad.
Look, if it ain’t the way people driving, it is the way duh riding.
If it ain’t the way duh talking, it is the way duh walking ’bout. If it ain’t the way duh wearing duh clothes, it is the way duh wearing duh hair. Looka, and doan miss and say nutten tuh dem neither, ya hear?
Duh always pon the defensive and the tongue-lashing you would get would grow ya very hair.
Well, I ain’t gotta say nothing ’bout the way duh does talk at all.
Dat now had become the normal way tuh talk. The schoolchildren change it from the regular dialect tuh duh very own language and the so-call adults jump on pon it and talking the same way too, sounding as foolish as evah.
Nowadays ya doan know who is the mother from the child ’cause evahbody wearing the same kinda clothes, the same hairstyles, the same crazy designs pon duh long fingernails and the mothers like duh trying tuh outdo the daughters in the same fashions; it doan matter if it look good pon dem or not, dem in it.
Look, I nevah thought I would live tuh see the day when people dat God made suh beautiful would come tuh disfigure demselves in this kinda way. Now, ya ain’t got tuh look too hard or too far before ya see somebody, be it woman or man, wid a multitude o’ tattoos all ovah duh beautiful black skin, all scrawl up and some, because duh skin suh dark, ya cahn make out what the tattoo is all about – it just look like a lot o’ black marks all ovah dem.
One time I used tuh think dat tights was supposed tuh be worn in the gym but I gine tell ya, it is a serious fashion trend, boh. The stores like duh cahn bring in enough tights tuh sell; and, look, if you think dat it is only the young li’l skinny girls who would be buying and wearing dem, ya real wrong. The fattest, most out o’ shape women is the ones who does got dem on in all kinda colours, wid the smallest li’l nippy or most revealing tops, parading all ’bout the place.
Doan talk ’bout the hair at all. You would notice dat it is the men who got and wearing the lotta hair nowadays but the women either ain’t got none or duh cutting it off tuh be in the fashion.
First of all, most o’ the young girls ain’t got nuh more temple hair from the amount o’ times duh glue in and take out the weave fuh the different styles evah week. So in order tuh fool duh selves dat duh got hair at the side o’ duh head, duh does get something dat look tuh me like black Nugget or Kiwi shoe polish and paste it on all round the side o’ duh head tuh make it look like the hair slick down or slick back.
Look, wha’ evah dat li’l girl Rihanna do wid she hair, the fashionistas ’bout here does do. One time my girl had her hair red; dem had dem own red too. Another time she had one side o’ she head shave off wid a lot o’ hair falling pon the other side; dem do it too. But the thing the females ’bout here doing dat I nevah see she do is wearing rope or wool on pon duh head.
Now dat is the funniest thing I evah see. I always thought dat wool used tuh be used tuh knit wid and ya used tuh use rope tuh tie out sheep, cow and goat but, soul, things have changed: the women who ain’t got nuh kinda hair at all glueing it on tuh duh skulls in all kinds o’ styles and colours, and the ones who got li’l bit weaving it in. Well the mohawk is the in-thing now, so it pile up pon top and straight downthe back o’ duh heads in all kinds o’ colours and designs. Nowadays ya doan know who hair real from who got on weave, and the stores corning money off o’ hair, duh cahn bring enough ’cause the women buying it up like it gine outta style.
• Mavis Beckles was born and raised in The Orleans. She has an opinion on everything.