Dear Christine,
I am in my early 40s and have been married for nearly 25 years. I have big children who are all studying overseas, and both my husband and I have good jobs.
My trouble is, my husband has cheated on me on several occasions (that I am aware of), but he denies this. There was a time when we used to have sex once a month, but now I have to quarrel with him to make that effort.
It is almost six months that we’ve been sleeping separately without touching each other. This does not bother my husband. He takes care of all the expenses.
Christine, we have everything except love. I am now seeing a guy with whom I am in love. We have had sex a few times and it has been good. He is asking me to leave my husband and live with him.
Christine, my new guy has his own business and every little thing. He’s also single, but while he cannot give me the luxuries which my husband gives me, I need love and comfort. Please advise me.
– S.S.
Dear S.S.,
Just as money cannot make you happy, sex won’t either.
It is not right, but I can understand that you’ve turned to someone else because of the lack of sex in your own marriage.
You must ask yourself what it is you are really seeking. Is it a husband who can fulfil all your material needs and offer you security, but does not satisfy you sexually, or a man who satisfies you sexually but cannot give you the world’s wealth?
The next question you must sincerely ask yourself is: which of these two men do you honestly love?
Undoubtedly, there is “a communication breakdown” in your relationship with your husband, and both of you must be willing to mend this. You’ve said that you’ve had to quarrel with him for him to make the effort to have sex with you, but have you talked to him?
Have a serious talk with him about your relationship; his lack of a sexual appetite, and your future together as husband and wife.
Find out what’s wrong in your own marriage and consider professional help if necessary.
In short, try mending your marriage before jumping ship. Also bear in mind that everyone craves for love and comfort at some point in their lives, but do not be fooled into thinking that good sex is necessarily love; it simply is not.
– CHRISTINE