CONFESSION TIME: I love politicians; I love public officials; I love yardfowls. Don’t mind what de journalists write and Brass Tacks gorilliphants like Wickham, Johnson, Ellis and Babb say, dem luv dem too – and Kaymar Jordan, too, Editor-in-Chief and media guru that she is. We all luv them becausin without dem, every week we would have nothing to write or talk about.
Mitt Romney, de man like a prize bull: he mout’ does go into gear before de brain have input. He gone pun a goodwill tour, nothing too big. De handlers say, ‘Leh we give he something easy – send he to the Olympics, shake hands and say a few nice words. Yet muh boy manage somehow to offend de British by implying dat dem ain’t ready to host de Olympics.
Overnight he get pelt under de bus. They buse he royally. Mitt, you couldn’t get even that right and yet America might elect you to succeed a brilliant man like Barack Obama? You see why I love politicians?
Tek de Greenlandgate goat milk scandal. A Government department that supposed to be importing goats and supporting the improvement of breeding herds somehow end selling milk cheaper than de farmers, running de farmers out of business and somehow the public officials find a justification for it. I got one or two questions fuh dem: when wunnah decide pun de price of de goat milk wunnah factored in the full cost of operations? Wages, capital costs, depreciation, NIS, energy, feed, medicines? In short, did wunnah do a business plan wid cash flow forecasts and all de other financial data before arriving at de selling price? Did wunnah input de true economic costs? And iffing wunnah did, would wunnah like to share it wid de public so we could see that wunnah not just wasting de taxpayers’ money?
I don’t know ’bout de rest of people, but I grow up pun goat’s milk and since this story brek, de madam, who is the chancellor of de exchequer, was instructed to buy goat’s milk again and to buy only de one from Hoad’s dairy farm. You see why I love politicians?
And then there is the West Indies Cricket Board. Wunnah know that de Olympics does come every four years, like clockwork – nuh guessing like de elections dat I hear coming third week in October. Yet wunnah so arrogant as to decide to stage a Test match series to clash wid de Olympics. And wid summer vacation. And wid Crop Over. And wid Antigua carnival. I count three people in de stands. De whole year to stage a test series but wunnah decide to clash wid de greatest sporting event in de world. You see why I love officials.
And then there is CBC. Wuh loss! Olympics opening ceremony. People switching on to watch and wunnah showing Test cricket. And all through de weekend: de same thing cricket and then li’l Olympics. Whose brilliant idea was that?
Put de cricket pun one of wunnah cable channels and let de people see de games. Yuh mean somebody does actually get pay to mek decisions to frustrate de public? Four years people waiting but wunnah feel that de cricket more important.
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?