Tired of the confusing discussions on the economy, worried by possible privatization and frightened by the daily media blitz in certain quarters, married and single men decided to hold a private conference. They invited the Wild Coot but he declined on the advice of his female counsel whose counsel he respected.
As the time of the meeting approached, they considered inviting Mr Ralph Boyce to give some enlightenment on the constitutional rights of children and on the vexing question of visitation rights for fathers.
The date was set for a Sunday at 10:45 in the morning – a Sunday when there was no football or cricket on television.
Have they done a national count of men and women to ascertain whether they were equally divided in the island or not? The answer was yes, but they had to eliminate a few of the men’s categories, for example, those whose interest did not lay in women – quite a few; those who had failed at numerous attempts in instilling female bliss; men whose confidence had been shattered and were useless, riddled with strokes, diabetes and AIDS.
There were no exclusions among the women. The count revealed a staggering preponderance of women 18 to 70 years old, all of whom had their hormones ticking. The count was a frightening four-to-one in favour of women. What to do?
It was agreed that the problem should not be put squarely before Government as it would take too long to resolve and cost too much. They should unravel it in a meeting at the Lloyd Erskine Sandiford Centre. People were invited to the microphone to speak.
Hear the first speaker – a married man of 49 years’ vintage: “Fellows, we have a lost generation of ladies; those who espouse that there should be one man to one woman. The national survey, as you have seen, is calamitous.
“In order to correct the situation we have to start with the youngest ladies and address their minds to look at those societies where the female gender is accustomed to polygamous mores – male-dominated societies that still exist in harmony.
“When that new generation comes of age, the complaints to the media will disappear.” He sat down and another fellow got up.
“My brothers, the previous speaker advocated a rather disorganized and reckless social arrangement. He was right about a polygamous society, but he should have said that having multiple relationships should be accompanied by a financial responsibility when it comes into force – say about 2050.” And he sat down.
A certain medical practitioner of high repute in the island was the next speaker.
“As you know, comrades, not to belabour the obvious, men and women are made different. Man was made first, and then woman was made from a part of man. She was made from a rib. Why not from any other part? History does not tell us. Why not from a finger, or a toe? She came from the 12th floating rib; man had 25 ribs (note the solar plexus).
“The fact that man now has 24 ribs was an unimpeachable sign that the maximum allocation to each man was 25 women (Solomon and Bajan men ignore this vital responsibility). The fact that she came from a floating rib gave copious latitude to any connection between man and woman.”
His advice was to look it up in the book. And he sat down.
Another speaker approached the mike. Dressed like a man, she had sneaked in. But as she spoke, it was revealed that she was a Trinidadian woman.
“You men in hey,” she began, “don’t know what all yuh talking ’bout. We have that a’ready in Trinidad. Men have as many women as they like and nobody write every day in the papers begging for sympathy. The men have a lot of women and the women have a lot of men. Nobody complain. Then, like Singing Francine, she started:
It i’nt you, it is dem dey confuse.
If he tired wid ’e wife
And he don’t want no strife,
Don’t they tink he would get tired of dem too?
• Harry Russell is a banker.
