I’M 40 YEARS OLD and have been with my wife for 12 years.
I have never been unfaithful to her, never thought I needed to. My problem began a year ago. One night, I found a pillow and a sleeping bag on the couch – not for me as I first feared, but for her!
She decided that night she was swapping our bed and me for the living room couch.
I tried to reason with her, but her mind was made up, and since that night we have not slept together.
Okay, you might ask, what is it I did to cause this major breakdown? And the truth is, I just don’t know. And believe me, I have tried to find out.
Communication has never been our strongest point in all the time we’ve been married. It’s been low-key, limited to things like telling me dinner’s ready. I went to see a marriage counsellor seven times but she would never come with me. I tried everything, showering her with gifts of love in word and deed, all to no avail.
I still don’t know if I did something wrong, or if she had or is having an affair, if she’s regretting the fact we never had children instead of a career, or both.
I don’t even know if it’s a case of she just stopped loving me or that she never did. The most I got out of her is that she does not want a divorce (her religion frowns upon divorce).
Just when I resigned myself to living out the rest of our married life like two strangers under the same roof, I met another woman.
I’ve known her for two years – she lives next door – but our relationship was just as neighbours. However, I’m slowly seeing myself wanting more out of this relationship. Whenever we are together, nothing else seems to matter. The closest we’ve ever come is to holding hands, and that was just to prevent her falling while climbing down a ladder.
I want to approach her, to talk about friendship, romance, something more even, although I daren’t even wish for it. I know she is widowed and unattached at the moment, but even so I’m frightened I might scare her off. I’ve tried simply seeing her less, but being neighbours makes this difficult if not impossible at times. Also, she has befriended my wife as well.
At the moment I’m living off fantasies that my mind conjures up. I’m afraid to say it out loud, but I feel like I’m in love again.
That’s a great feeling after living for 12 months in a loveless household. At 40, I’m still healthy with very strong physical and emotional needs. My wife cannot meet them; I am no longer allowed to meet hers.
I guess you could say I’m looking for a successor to my wife.
My counsellor thinks I should try harder with my wife and forget this woman. He does not believe in divorce and tries getting the couples who come to him to work out their differences and stay together. But he says that ultimately, what I have to do is make a choice and take action.
I hope my neighbour will have me.
– IN LOVE AGAIN.