“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” – Mark Twain
While trying to determine the focus of my first column for 2014, I had to grapple with many issues that contended for a place In The Candid Corner. I was once again tempted to share my strong views on the HPV vaccine to be offered to eleven-year-old girls in our secondary schools but once again I allowed that to pass since my three daughters will not be among the guinea pigs as they have long left age 11 behind.
Given the fact that I am reliably informed that the vaccine is only a potential prevention and that there are horrendous side effects, it would have been a difficult decision for me to make in any case. Since I may be accused on commenting on Government policy as a civil servant, I have nothing more to say about “that Pele case”.
When three sister countries spend a Christmas marred by loss of life and substantial damage to property and infrastructure, I wanted very much to express my regret and condolences to my neighbours in St Lucia, St Vincent and Dominica but I opted to make a contribution to the relief efforts instead and leave out the rhetoric and “long talk”.
Coming very close to home, I was faced with another challenge of choice of focus. Although I do not like to use my column to discuss personal life experiences, interestingly, feedback from such column is higher when compared with national or controversial issues. As I had buried my dear mother on December, 22, 2008, I thought it would have been a welcomed in memoriam as the family continues to reflect on her life and contribution.
Reconciling differences of any kind is never easy but alas, the events of December 29, 2013, literally took the cake and I chose to dedicate this first column for the year to my dear wife, my three lovely daughters and my family whom God has miraculously restored after 13 years in the matrimonial wilderness.
This week’s focus on the reconciliation of our differences and the restoration of the family comes at a time when the gay agenda both in Europe and across the United States is gaining momentum. The matrimonial demographic in Europe is in chaos with parliaments in EU rushing to put legislation in place that will clearly undermine God’s Adamic mandates to man “to replenish and multiply” and for a man “to leave” and “cleave”.
It is a frightening thought since a whole new perspective has already been brought to bear on the celebration of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day as many children living within a “gay and lesbian” context will not even know their biological parents.
While many divorced couples take new partners down the aisle, it is not the norm for them to remarry the same individual. Without reducing this God-ordained and God-orchestrated event to a mere statistic, one in four divorced couples remarry.
In a previous article in this column entitled When Divorce Stinks, I made the point that the chief victims of family separation through divorce are the children. Whether the process is initiated by the husband or the wife, while the adults involved can often rationalize the situation, it is extremely difficult for children to understand why the bond of love out of whose womb and groin they sprang finds it so difficult to provide that stable and safe environment and to guarantee their confidence, self-respect and self-esteem.
Men and women are prone to distractions and can often lose focus thereby causing pain, hurt and trauma within marriages. It is not unusual for children within broken families to be rebellious, to experience declining academic performance, to become promiscuous and resort to the use and abuse of illegal drugs and alcohol. Severe depression and even suicide are among the fallout from matrimonial dysfunction. Of course the impact on wives and husbands does untold emotional, psychological and financial harm from which recovery is often difficult if not impossible.
Today I celebrate the goodness of God for having restored my family and for returning the joyous and infectious laughter of my daughters to my ears. In spite of and because of my past experiences during the last 13 years, I am now closer to both my God and my wife. Our reconciliation is therefore a resounding victory for marriage and a decisive blow to the gay agenda and other machinations of human relationships. While it is generally felt that some broken marriages are irreconcilable, with God all things are possible.
• Matthew Farley is a secondary school principal, chairman of the National Forum on Education and a social commentator.