It mock, it mock, it mock, it mock mock, De hair, de hair, de hair de girls got . . . . – MADD
ONCE UPON A TIME it was just the hair . . . but nowadays, to tell the truth, men are buying, as it were, a whole pig in a poke.
That’s because almost everything some women are wearing is false.
If you challenge the wearers, they will be quick to tell you it is all theirs since “I bought it!”
Nevertheless, when the make-up and all other additions are taken off, quite a few men are wondering if the woman they are looking at is the same person they saw at the party looking “damn hot”.
Let’s start with the hair. Whether it’s curly weave, Kanekalon braids, Super X, straight weave, Afro Kinky, or even wet and wavy – they are all artificial or, as Barbadians say, “mock”.
So long-haired girls no longer have anything on “picky hair girls”, and once there is hair in the stores, Bajan girls will always be wannabe “douglas” or “mulattoes”.
Let’s move on to the eyes. Years ago the trend of wearing coloured contact lenses started, and some of the darkest women in Bim started having some of the brightest eyes around, those more associated with people of lighter complexion.
Hazel eyes, blue, green, grey, and even cat eye contacts were the wear, until some women contracted eye infections and rumours began to be spread about how you could go blind.
But now it’s the fake eyelashes that are supposed to give that sexier appearance, as women now bat their eyelids non-stop so that men can notice their long sexy lashes.
Some, however, are ridiculously long, not to mention that many women endure great agony taking them off and often end up plucking out their real eyelashes in the process, with the upshot that they end up having swollen eyes and hiding out at home for a while.
Push-up bras and mock boobs are also a hit, and can be bought from many places in Bridgetown, so big-breasted women no longer have anything on those who have “fry eggs”.
Victoria’s Secret’s Wonder Bras do exactly what they say and work wonders for those flat-chested ladies who want to give the impression that they are more endowed than they actually are.
Then there are the “mock” nails – either the classy “French-tip” look or in a variety of airbrushed colours to match any outfit – especially for those who bite their nails continually.
Beware, though. These nails often become infected if not given proper care, and then extra money has to be spent to cure the “fungus”.
Moving down – there’s nothing like a good waist trimmer to hide all the “rolls” found on both stout and slim women, cutting off a few inches from around the middle section and giving them a much neater and flatter appearance when they step out.
Take off the waist trimmers and everything “rolls back out”, leaving most women breathing a sigh of relief on their escape from the tight-fitting corset-like apparel.
Next are the famous “mock botsies”. Definitely a No. 1 seller for young and old women, making the “flat botsie” pound for pound the equal of the naturally big-bumpered.
That little addition works wonders for some women who may already have their own hair, be comfortable with their beautiful eyes and big breasts, but are just missing a “little bumper” which would make the package complete.
Guys, ever thought about how many “mock” things your lady is wearing? Now would be a good time to do so.
But be careful not to offend, because everything is hers – after all, she bought it!
