DEAR CHRISTINE, Through no fault of mine, I lost my husband to another woman some four years ago. For peace’s sake, I gave him the divorce he asked for, as the girl was expecting a baby for him.
After the divorce, although he made a settlement on me, I went to work at . . . .
Three months ago a man started coming there for lunch. We made friends and I learnt a lot about him. It was not until after we started going out, however, that I learnt he was married, and I have always said I would never go out with a married man.
Our happiness is spoilt by our guilty feelings, for we know that if his wife finds out, it would hurt her.
– L.L.
Dear L.L.,
I am very keen on knowing why this man never told you he was married in the first place. How did you two get so close and yet he never told you this up front? This is deception on his part.
Nevertheless, I am willing to bet you already know that I cannot encourage you to keep seeing this guy. The present secrecy and deception are causing you some discomfort of the mind. I doubt you’ll be happy if the relationship was brought to light, thus causing grief to the wife.
You could not have been happy after another woman broke up your marriage, so think carefully before you break up someone else’s.
It will hurt to give this man up, but if you don’t stop seeing him, you and his wife will be hurt.
You say you cannot imagine what life would be like without him only after knowing him for a few months.
Don’t you think it’s going to be ever so much harder for the wife, who spent considerably more time with him in the past and who perhaps hopes to spend her whole lifetime with him?
You will never be truly happy. Do the right thing and stop seeing this man. He is not free to be with you and should have told you from the first time he laid eyes on you that he was a married man. That was just not fair to you.
Think about it and do the right thing. Don’t allow your feelings to take charge.
– CHRISTINE
