DEAR CHRISTINE, I AM a young mother of boys ages six and ten. I grew up in a fairly big family, but because of problems with my grandparents, my mother pulled away when I was about 12 years old.
To make a long story short, I hardly ever came into contact with my family. The bond we shared years ago has somehow disappeared.
At age 19 or 20, I was actually on my own.
My mother got into a relationship with a man, who although he would talk to me, I knew deep inside that he cared nothing about me, or my seven-year-old brother at the time.
My mother raised me in a “glass case” and hardly allowed me to socialise.
I can understand that to a point now that I’m a mother. But sometimes you have to give your children “wings to fly”. You can teach them right from wrong, but you have to let go at some point.
After my mother got involved with my stepfather, I was left on my own. Not financially, but when I needed her most at my adolescent age, she was not there for me. She moved out and left me to take care of my brother.
At my age, I have no female friends besides two at work who are just colleagues. I have no personal female friends. Sometimes when I’m out and I see females together in groups, it makes me wonder where I went wrong.
I find it more and more difficult as the years roll on to be around people. Sometimes to carry on a simple conversation is too difficult for me as I would get uncomfortable because I am not relaxed.
I have my own apartment, Christine, and sometimes I would like to have a friend or maybe two over. My life can be so lonely, especially on occasions like Christmas and maybe Crop-Over when friends and family visit.
I need a true friend, Christine. A friend who would not laugh at me, but would take the time to help me overcome my anti-social and shy personality. Help me.
– T.R.A.
Dear TRA,
Your story is sad, but your life does not need to be so too. Is it possible for you to seek out your extended family? Your mother may have had a problem with them, but you didn’t. Why not try to find out where they are and pay a visit. Your sons should know their family. I am sure they would enjoy that and you can rekindle old relationships.
There are community organisations you could become involved in and do volunteer work and that way you will meet people who could help you get over your shyness.
There are also courses that you could take which would help build your self-esteem and help make you a better communicator. One such course is the Dale Carnegie course. If you call 435-5621 you will get all the relevant information. You can also email: tefield@caribsurf.com and check out www.barbados.dalecarnegie.com
You could also try the Toastmasters Club. Look them up in the telephone directory or Google them. You could also meet with and discuss common issues with the mothers of your sons’ friends. Mothers always have much to talk about when their kids are of similar age.
If your problem is more deep-seated and psychological, then you may have to seek professional counselling.
– CHRISTINE.