DEAR CHRISTINE: Please tell me how you would deal with the following scenario.
I am deeply in love with a man who visits my workplace as part of his time working away from home. I am not from your country and neither is he.
During that time coming to my workplace, we got to know each other in an intimate way and we got really close.
Not once did he mention that he was married with children, so I never brought up the subject. His times away from his country were like heaven to me. We did so much together and he appeared to have a good time.
I realised sometime after that he and my boss were very close pals. I got the shock of my life recently when my boss told me that my friend was not going to be visiting anymore as he had been offered a job in another country and would have no need to stay.
What my boss also told me was that this man was married with three children back in his homeland.
After six months of him seeing me and leading me on, I now realise that this man is a cheater. He is also dishonest and I am hurt to know that he never told me his marital status. Thankfully, we never got to the stage of being sexually involved even though we were intimate.
When I questioned him about what I had been told, he simply said he did not see the need to since the subject never came up. How could one be so selfish as to remain in a “friendship” and never disclose their marital status? Isn’t that the first thing you do when you’ve met someone for the first time?
We saw each other for most of his stay, and I miss him so much. I don’t know why he left the way he did or why he hasn’t even called.
I now feel used and stupid. I wish I could call his wife and let her know that her husband denied her. After all, he did give me his pager and telephone number back home, but I’ve never used them. Please tell me if that is an option?
– C.J.
Dear C.J.:
As much as you may be hurting right now, what you are contemplating is not an option.
The man should have told you he was married, but since you have not been sexually involved as you claimed, it makes little sense to hurt his wife.
Face up to the fact that he has dumped you, especially since he told your boss about his situation, but did not even see it fit to tell you.
Just leave it alone and go on with the rest of your life.
– CHRISTINE
