TWELVE YEARS AGO I met a guy and we eventually became very close. We were nuts about each other; madly in love; at least I can attest to having been madly in love with him. To my parents consternation, I left home to go and live with him. I could not be bothered what my parents had to say. This was the man of my dreams and I was determined to be with him.
I had just completed my university education and had started working in a well-established business. I did not have my own transportation and if my father did not collect me I would have to take the bus. I would see this guy driving by while awaiting my father or sometime while awaiting the bus. He would speak by gently waving his hand or nodding his head.
On one occasion he stopped and offered me a lift but I declined. The following day he was there waiting and offered to take me home. I accepted, we started talking and the relationship got going. Those early days turned out to be funny and absolutely engaging. We enjoyed each other’s company and did many things which seem to bring us closer together. Three months after we met I moved out and decided to share a house with this man.
After we started living together he told me he had a son. I did not pay much attention to that, as the son was never around neither was the mother. He simply indicated that the relationship between him and the mother had gone sour and he supported the child.
It was clear he ensured the money for the upkeep was given; the bonding and the quality time certainly were not there. Our relationship blossomed. Eight months after we started living together I became pregnant. I did not tell my parents of my pregnancy. So 17 months after I had left home I had a baby. The next six months were an eye-opener for me. My boyfriend painted the worst picture possible of my parents and ensured I kept my distance from them. In fact he insisted I have nothing to do with my parents. During this period an aunt with whom I had been extremely close, my father’s sister, passed away. I did not even attend the funeral.
In the meantime, my social life was virtually at an end. My boyfriend would take me to work and on our way we would drop off the baby at the nursery. In the meantime, he left his job and decided he would become an entrepreneur so we borrowed some money and invested in a project. It flopped and left us in serious debt.
By this time other bills were mounting and the debt collectors were calling and turning up. Even the landlord threatened to put us out if the rent was not paid up, including the arrears.
The situation took an unbearable turn when one evening I was left stranded to get to the nursery to collect the baby. I had to get a taxi and just gone there on time with the operator fuming. It happened again and again within a month and it became a nightmare.
I started to find it difficult to cope, carrying the house on my own. I was simply going to work, looking after the house and the baby and peeping through the windows. My life had taken a terrible downhill spin which seem headed to end up over a cliff. This was not what I expected.
I made contact with my sister who still lived at home. She collected me at work and then collected the baby which she was overjoyed to meet for the first time. He was nine months at the time. I felt hurt when she said mummy want to see the baby and that all my relatives except daddy had been asking about the baby and me.
I told my boyfriend that night that I was reconnecting with my family since I felt they could help me and the baby and by extension, him. He bitterly objected and denounced my family. The next day when I got home the house was unusually quiet and on close checking realised that a number of things had been removed. The next day he did not turn up either.
The weekend went by and I was very nervous. On the Monday I called his mother while I was at work and asked for him. She told me he had decided to move on and did not want me to contact him.
I could not continue working so I called my sister who came for me and I told her of the developments. She told me to get out of the house immediately and come home. I knew my parents loved me and decided to heed my sister’s words. There wasn’t much I wanted except to collect what money we have in a joint account. By the time I got to the bank it had only $10 left. I returned to my parents’ house in tears.
I have never had a financial challenge since then, my son is very well looked after and has developed a very close relationship with his grandparents. The debt collectors came after me and fortunately my aunt had left me an inheritance which I used to settle the debts. My sister and I live in our aunt’s house.
Two years ago this man had the guts to turn up at my house to say that he was sorry and wanted to start over. My sister pushed in her mouth and asked him to leave or she would call the police. He wanted to see his son with whom he had had no contact. As fate would have it my son and his grandparents were overseas.
Thankfully, I have not encountered my former boyfriend since that day and pray to God I never see him again. I am now in a new relationship which started two years ago and was the first since that terrible experience. It was a learning experience in doing everything wrong simply because you allow a boyfriend to turn your head. Don’t make the same mistake.
