Earlier in my show, I sat with four young men of varying backgrounds and lifestyles to discuss relationships. Our team had gotten a random group of women to submit questions in an effort to have the men interpret and discuss them candidly.
There is a saying that “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” and there are some basic characteristics which men hold collectively that women can neither interpret nor appreciate. I, too, was eager to hear the thoughts of these men as there are many things I myself do not understand about the amazing sex called “man”.
There is a meme on Instagram which states, “We always say ‘Oh man!’ to express disappointment because a man will always disappoint”. This is an extreme view.
One of my favourite movies is He Is Just Not That Into You. It is a movie which outlines a list of rules women should follow to determine a man’s interest. Whilst I disagree with some of the rules established in this movie, there are certain situations and red flags which always show how a man truly feels about a woman.
Many hold the view that when a man is truly interested in a woman, after a certain time he at least introduces her to his friends and family. If he fails to do this, he is more than likely unsure of our prospects. Men are not dogs. When they value a relationship, they place paramount importance upon it. I have observed that introduction to family is a serious statement.
One lady lamented that her love interest only sought encounters at night. She inquired whether he was simply an intimate, romantic person or was embarrassed to be seen with her. The men curtly told her that there is nothing intimate or romantic about constantly going to the Drive-In as a date or consistent activities of “Netflix and Chill”. Cheyne Jones went even further to state that if a man is really consumed with a woman his natural instinct is to “show her off” and let everyone know who and what “he is working with”. Whilst the other men seemed to sugar-coat their responses to the woman, he dismissed her excuse for her lover being romantic as the man simply being not that into her.
A good friend, Antonio Welch, in a post-mortem discussion laughed at women’s attempts to score messages, especially via Whatsapp. Scoring messages is a habit of keeping score of who messages first, last and most prominently in a conversation. Whilst describing it as a silly endeavour, he said, “Toni, I do not understand why women do that. Who cares who messages first?” Whilst I do agree with this point, I must say that if a woman is the one who always initiates a conversation with a man, then that is a red flag as well. If you are the person starting a conversation all of the time, then you are doing the chasing. According to the men on the panel, most men like to do the chasing. They do not like to be chased.
If a man is into us, they said, we will know it.
The most important indicator is when we do not have to question a man’s interest after an assessment of the track record of his interaction with us. I don’t find this to be a hard rule. If a man cannot message you after 7 p.m., you cannot come to his house and he works a normal 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. work schedule, there is a red flag there.
If a man is going out with you for over a year, claims to have a great relationship with his family and has not introduced you to his family, there is a red flag there.
If you are doing everything a girlfriend should and would do and he refuses to put a title on your relationship, there is a red flag there.
Most of us women are very intuitive. Deep down we know when a man is not that into us but too often we compromise our standards in an effort not to be lonely.
Raise your heads and straighten your crowns, ladies. Stay queenin’.
Your kings are around the corner.
Toni Thorne is a young entrepreneur and World Economic Forum Global Shaper who loves global youth culture, a great debate and living in paradise. Email [email protected].
