Dear Christine,
I AM 32-years-old and the mother of a 12-year-old daughter. You can see from her age that she is now in second form at secondary school.
My daughter holds the view that I am too strict and that I am not allowing her to be independent or enjoy her life. I do not let her have sleep-overs or co-ed parties which her friends throw. If she is dropped off at a friend’s home, I make it my business to call every hour or so to see how she is doing and if the parents are around.
My daughter also attends an all-girls school. My husband and I chose to do so because I don’t want her exposed to some of the things boys and girls do at co-ed schools.
She is not allowed to eat certain foods which I deem bad for her health; she cannot wear make-up and I choose her clothing – with her help, of course. If she is leaving home to go out with friends or when she is leaving for school, I make certain that her clothes are worn according to the school’s standards.
Christine, I love both my daughter and my five-year-old son. I only want what is best for both of them, especially my daughter. However, she says I am preventing her from “growing up”. Am I doing something wrong?
– D.K.
Dear D.K.,
Do you want an honest answer? If you put yourself in your daughter’s shoes, you’ll see things from her perspective. You are being excessively possessive and overly protective. While I believe you are a caring parent, I also think you have gone off the deep end.
In the name of being a conscientious parent, you have placed your daughter under virtual house arrest. How is your daughter to learn to be independent and make intelligent decisions if you restrict her every move?
Calling her every hour at a friend’s house to “see how she’s doing” is overkill. If it doesn’t stop, it won’t be long before she rebels. I know you mean well, but please, you have to tone down and trust your daughter.
In the name of being a “good mother”, you are stunting her growth and doing her a disservice. Give her a little more freedom. Sometimes find out what she wants and allow her to make some of the choices that relate to her.
Give her some space; she’s not a robot.
– CHRISTINE
