Dear Christine,
I have always enjoyed reading this column and I love the advice you usually give to readers. I have noticed that whenever it comes to extramarital affairs, you hold the view that they should not be encouraged.
Well, I am writing to say that I have been in an extramarital relationship for the past six years, and while I cannot say it has been a bed of roses, this man has been very nice to me.
However, I need a sounding board and I have chosen you. I also need some personal advice.
I am 37 years old and was married at the age of 22. Six years later my husband and I divorced because of his infidelity. I was left with my three-year-old daughter. I told myself that I would never go out with another man again but I knew at age 28, that was really a lie. I dated a few men but never committed myself because I did not want to get hurt.
Six years ago, I met this wonderful man who is six years my senior. We hit it off immediately and even though I knew from day one that he was married, I fell hard for him. We started a relationship and he eventually started looking after me and my daughter – taking us on trips and providing for us.
Going out to dinners in Barbados was a “no no” as we never desired for anyone to see us in public like that. Due to his work it is possible for me to see him during the day but to his staff, I am just another client.
This man gives me everything I want, and although I am in a decent job, he does not hesitate to shower me with the best.
Christine, he has never made any promises to me concerning my future. Yes, I miss the nights when I would love to see him but I have to settle for being on my own. The only time we see each other is out of the island (and he travels often). Or, if his wife is overseas, he’ll visit early evenings so as not to draw any suspicions.
Many days I ask myself if this is what I have to settle for in life – someone else’s husband. My daughter is no longer a little girl and she knows that her mummy is seeing this man who is already committed to someone else.
You may ask me if I ever consider his wife. To be honest, the fact that she does not know makes it easy. I know, however, if she really knew what was happening, she’ll be just as hurt as I was when I discovered that my husband was cheating on me.
I don’t know how to break loose from this relationship after so long . . . but for my daughter’s sake I know I must. I don’t want her to reap the harvest of sins I am now planting.
Christine, what should I do and how should I break off this relationship for my daughter’s sake?
– M.P.
Dear M.P.,
You just have to tell this man it is over and that you have come to your senses. He is not committed to you even though he has been unfaithful to his wife for the past six years.
I believe you have reached that stage in your life where you realise that apart from the trips, which you must hide to take, and the pretence in the office, you really have nothing going in your favour. All the material things in this world won’t give you back your dignity.
Simply call him, thank him for the support over the years, but tell him you cannot continue on this road of deception any longer. He has nothing to lose but you will have a whole lot to gain.
– CHRISTINE
