SEX TALK: Living in fear of Commitment?

In years gone by, if you asked about commitment phobia, you may have received responses which singled out men as the ones who were afraid of commitment. While this may or may not have been true, the fact is that in the modern world, it is not only the male species who have challenges when it comes to committing to one person in a romantic relationship.    At the end of the sixties – the decade of women’s lib and “free love”, women began to enter the workplace and to explore the world of independence. In 2010, there is a worldwide upward trend of higher paid female than male executives. Some women’s ambitions have moved from simply wanting the picket fences and two and a half children to wanting the fancy cars, sexual freedom and the liberties traditionally enjoyed by men. But has this change in lifestyle resulted in a change of priority when it comes to loving and living? Are there more commitment phobes in the world today? Can you be commitment-phobic?       According to Audrey Chapman, relationship expert and author of  Seven Attitude Adjustments to Finding a Loving Man, there are four types of women who fit into the category of commitment-phobia:1. The Pity Party-Goer: She always whines and complains, setting up herself for relationship failure. Her self-fulfilling prophecy never disappoints. She continues to choose partners who continue to enforce it. She wants to prove that relationships simply do not work…and they won’t for her, since she has willed herself into creating this reality.2. The Boomerang: She leaves a relationship, only to return to it. She leaves it again; and comes back to it again. This may continue for a few years and it is her way of avoiding commitment.3. The Detective: I think many of us fall into this category. This woman is always in search of Mr. Perfect or Mr. Right. She wants the gorgeous, professional, muscular, sexy, rich guy who must also be sensitive. If she meets a man and he’s gorgeous and sexy but not rich; or rich and famous but too short, she rejects him. In the end, no one meets her rigid requirements.       A long time ago, women saw marriage as a gain, while men saw it as an end. Today, with prosperous careers and financial independence, more women are postponing or even avoiding marriage. However, marriage can be one of the most joyous decisions one can make. If you are afraid of commitment, what can you do?1. Understand what the threat really is. Why are you afraid to commit? Is it because you grew up in a home where there was no commitment, i.e. no formal marriage of your mother and father? Was it that there was commitment, but it ended in separation or divorce? One salient point to remember is that your parents’ past does not dictate your future.2. Cultivate the right attitude. It is only you who has control over your lifestyle. Don’t be too critical of others; and don’t be overly critical of yourself.3. Face your fears. Have you ever seen the movie Fatal Attraction? Fear can make you obsess over one person. Challenge that fear and allow yourself to be who you really are.At the end of the day, no man is an island. It is indeed comforting to know that there is someone who will always be there for you – in sickness and in health, you know the rest. But it is only fair to that person that you give the same amount of dedication. Commitment does not mean tying a ball and chain around one’s left foot and dragging oneself around. It can actually be one of the most secure feelings and a confidence-booster extraordinaire…that is, if you let it.