Dear Christine,
I hope my letter finds you in good health.
Christine, I write to tell you about my cheating male friend. We have lived together for six years and for nine we have been friends. I have a seven-year-old child for him – yes he is very supportive, but what I can’t understand is why can’t he stay at home.
Each afternoon, after he comes in from work, the most he spends at home is one hour. He must go and see what the boys are up to or about. I decided on one particular evening, that I was going too. I let him leave and about ten minutes later, I got a friend to take me, only to pass his vehicle, parked in an area.
I found it strange that when I called his cellphone, I got his voice mail. I left three message on his phone. My friend and I waited a little way off from where he was parked, to see where he would come from – he never showed.
After 45 minutes, I went to the liming spot, where he would lime on weekends. No one had seen him for the week, I returned home.
He came home at 10:30 that night. I asked him, how the evening went with the fellows, he said all right, that they played dominoes, and talked about dogs. I then asked why his vehicle was parked so far from his liming spot.
Christine, if you had seen the way he looked at me; so much guilt – guilt was all over his face. Do you know what I found out? He would park his ride on this spot, someone would pick him up, then bring him back at night.
What I want to do now, is to find out what is going on. It’s my plan to go and wait by the car, I’ll then know for myself, if he’s seeing someone – male or female. Once I find out, I am finished with him. We still have sexual intercourse with each other. I know after this I am done with that. Love can be so blind.
– BLINDED BY LOVE
Dear Blinded by Love,
Even before you attempt to investigate what is really happening as it relates to your boyfriend, I would encourage you to talk with him. You need to outline your concerns because this is an issue that could very well destroy your relationship.
Do not jump to conclusions, but be rational in how you deal with him. You need to explain your health concerns as you would not want either of you to contract any sexually transmitted diseases; the need for both of you to be faithful in a monogamous relationship; the importance of safeguarding and building your family given that a child is also involved; and be bold enough to tell him what you have already found out. Also, let him know that if there is any “unacceptable goings-on” then you will have to leave.
As should be the case with many other couples, you need to find things to do together on evenings, even if it is spending time helping to guide that child. It could be as simple an exercise as reading to and with that child; sharing in sporting activity; or even both of you as adults learning a new skill or hobby together.
Good luck.
– Christine
