Last Tuesday this column carried a letter from a woman who claimed that she broke up with her former lover because he was abusive. Since they parted, he has been sending text messages and emails to people saying that she is HIV-positive as he had infected her. The following is a letter received from the man accused of these actions.
Hello Christine,
This is in response to the February 22, 2011 column headlined Ex Sending Vicious Emails About Me. I am the so-called ex-partner, and this is the email in question: I wanted what most people in love with someone want, for the person to be faithful and truthful. But you made the decision to go off with someone else and played me for a fool.
You of all people should have known that when I figured it out that it would be a tall price to pay for your infidelity.
The situation could have resolved itself had you stopped trying to push me away to make room for him.
[I have] lost almost everything in the last year, and now you wish to move on with this new man and leave me by the wayside, I think not.
The fact of the matter is we are both HIV-positive and you should have taken this into consideration when you decided to play games with me and other (people’s) future.
This is perhaps the most painful thing I ever had to do. I am not prepared to [let you] walk away scot-free and continue to do this to someone else in the future.
You should not be so carefree with other people’s lives, and the fact that you can go on for the last couple of days like nothing has happened shows how callous you are with other’s lives.
Well, no more. The gloves are off. We will take to the streets and let Barbados [know] the real and true (name deleted) you are.
Your HIV status and mine needed to be our concern alone as was the case before our little stunt on Wednesday, December 28, 2010, when you lied
to my face saying your car was in the shop, while knowing this to be a . . . bold-faced lie!
Now you are going to have to live with the consequence of your actions . . . I reached out to you several times in the last two months but [you] had no intention of making this right between us because you had other plans. Well, so do I.
– BFR
Dear BFR,
You are understandably hurt that your partner has abruptly ended your relationship, especially if she was indeed unfaithful to you. But that is no excuse for lashing out at her by sending emails, texts and pictures of both of you to people.
What you have done, and continue to do, is wrong!
Your emails and texts are seeking to destroy that woman’s life just because she has left you for some one else.
That is not right!
Your bitterness is not only compromising this young woman’s future, but yours as well. Who is to say that you will not be able to meet someone who is more caring and loving than your ex?
I know of two people who were married years after they were diagnosed HIV-positive. They found real love after the initial deception and pain involved with their infection. So the same could happen for you.
What’s more, who says that she must remain with you if she is not happy?
The reality is that some people split up after years of marriage, children, mortgage, and more. These things happen – live with it!
I agree with you that she has to be more responsible in her intimate relations; and so should you. But you do not own her and cannot dictate anything to her. All you can do is try to persuade her on such things.
BFR, if I seem to be harsh with you it is because no man or woman should resort to what you are doing. It is vindictive.
You are essentially saying “If you don’t want me, I will ensure that nobody wants you”. Such action cannot be condoned.
As an adult you need to understand that you cannot have things your way; so be mature and walk away.
I’m not saying that that is fair, but it is the thing to do.
So stop your bullying and move on with your life.
– Christine
