Keep your personal and your professional life separate. Or at least try to.
When you mix your personal and professional life things have the potential to get very, very messy.
Sometimes it is important to draw the line between your work relationships and your personal relationships.
Sometimes it is also very necessary to keep your business to yourself. Again, as the old people would say, “Your right hand don’t need to know what your left hand is doing”.
Very often some people are quick to “spill their guts” about their life, everyone in it, and all that they are doing. This is so unnecessary.
We all have our own circle of friends whom we confide in and exchange and bounce ideas off. Stick to that group. No need to widen the circle to include acquaintances, casual workmates and others you may just want to have a conversation with for the sake of talking.
Then, when the stories come out, confusion is stirred up and sometimes relationships are ruined for life.
The reality is that keeping those lines – work and personal – clearly drawn allows us also to be professional and maintain a level of professionalism at our jobs. Of course, life isn’t that clear cut.
That brings us to this week’s Secret’s Corner question: My supervisor and I got on really well until recently when she discovered that my child’s dad and boyfriend is her ex-lover. She cared for him but he treated her badly. I didn’t know him then. Now she knows his connection to me, she is slighting me. Should I complain to the boss or should I keep my cool and hope she soon comes to her senses?
This scenario is a clear example of why it is necessary to draw the lines.
First things first: the situation is what it is, as simple as that. That said, this supervisor needs to be more professional, realizing that this woman’s personal business is just that – personal.
Why get involved? Yes, the supervisor had a history with the woman’s boyfriend, but she needs to get her tenses straight. This was in the past.
Life goes on and the truth of it is the woman was not responsible for the man treating the supervisor badly when they were in a relationship. In fact, chances are she wasn’t even in the picture at the time.
Now that the supervisor is aware of the connection, this is where she needs to step up and act more professionally. Show that she is the “bigger and better person” after that revelation. There are things in life that hurt us, but it’s not all the time that we need to show it.
The worker should never be in a position where she now has to consider if she should keep her cool or complain to her boss. The former would be a mistake because presumably the boss will advise them both to work it out as it has nothing to do with the job at hand as it is more of a personal nature.
The latter advice seems to be the better option. Keep your cool, and since your supervisor is unable to be professional, you set the example. Chances are, the supervisor will come around, and even if she doesn’t, she needs to remain professional.
Our readers weighed in on this as well and shared their views:
– “The supervisor needs to lighten up. It was your child’s dad who did her wrong, not you. Continue being nice to your supervisor – eventually she will come to her senses.”
– “Your supervisor might just be disappointed with your choice of boyfriend. If, as you say, she cared for him but he treated her badly, she might feel that you are setting yourself up for disappointment. And your comment that ‘I did not know him then’ seems to imply that you think he won’t treat YOU badly. She might want to tell you something about him that you are sure to take the wrong way or chalk up to jealousy.”
– “Since you both got on well until her discovery, I would suggest you have a word with her. Invite her out for a coffee/drink and a friendly chat. Hopefully, she will agree; then you all can iron out the problem. Good luck.”
– “Perhaps she feels uncomfortable being around you because your continued relationship with this guy shows her that he can change for the better. Maybe it had nothing to do with her or you and he learned from his past on his own. But whatever/whoever is the reason, it will still hurt her emotionally to know that he was able to grow without her, as she still feels connected to him.”
– “Best advice is to treat her the same as always. You can control your actions, not anyone else’s. Your supervisor will either remember that she is part of the present and look towards the future or she will stay dwelling on the past. All you can do is to continue to live your life doing what makes you happy.”
– “I feel sorry for the ex. She obviously has not got over her pain. The two of you need to talk. Your supervisor might be thinking that you were responsible for the break up in the first place. If your conscience is clear I would continue in my job. She might take out her frustrations on you and make your life hell. She is jealous and if she was a true friend she should be wishing her well. I hope she lets go of the past memories and moves on with her life.”
– “What does this have to do with your professional relationship? She needs to conduct herself in a more appropriate manner. You will always have ties with him as you two share a child.”
– “What she does is her business. You continue to be courteous and nice as I assume you are to her, and leave the rest to her. If she isn’t “big” enough to act at least professionally, I really think management needs to reassess its choice of supervisors (but again that has nothing to do with you).”
