ANY MAN CAN BE be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad!
Let me first salute all dedicated fathers who have invested their all in the upbringing and upliftment of their offspring – those who take the time to listen to the concerns and provide for the needs of their children, and are positive and inspiring role models.
Fathers are more important to our homes, society and community than they can imagine as they play a significant role in the holistic development of children. There are those for whom fatherhood begins and ends with sex. They certainly do not consider it their duty, let alone a joy and privilege to be a part of the upbringing of their children.
They see themselves as sperm donors who focus solely on conception without appreciating that being a father means lifelong loving, caring, nurturing and guiding.
Small children often feel that their fathers can do and know everything. Just imagine the pain, rejection, anger, psychological and emotional scars children bear when fathers leave them at the most impressionable age of their lives – between birth and age eight.
This is not only so for children in the early years but is evident in children of all ages who carry unhealed wounds from years of feeling neglected and less than worthy as a result of men who see themselves as just sperm donors or absentee fathers.
Here are some words children with neglected fathers used to show how they feel: sad, confused, unwanted, guilty, depressed, angry, hateful, lonely, unimportant, rejected, like a mistake. The loudest way you can tell your children you never wanted them is by not being there for them at the most vulnerable point in their lives – childhood. Absentee fathers leave a hole in their children’s soul that will last a lifetime.
Once these children are grown, nothing can be done to repair the damage to their lives. There is no such thing as making up for lost time. You still cannot heal the wounds.
These children will mistrust or reject people who come into their lives and may “claim” to love them. Regardless of how much people say they love them, they will believe that no one honestly and sincerely loves them. Think, dads, think!
It is time for fathers to stop blaming history and slavery for the mistakes that are made today. It is time to realize that children long for the special love and affirmation that only good fathers can give.
It is not just a question of providing physically or financially for children but creating a good, warm, safe and friendly home environment. Fathers, draw closer to your children.
Learn to communicate and listen. Invest time and effort to care for and help prepare your children to face the challenges of the future.
Take every opportunity to look after, comfort, share their joys and sorrow, help them with their homework, offer advice, pray for and provide for them. Seek to bond with them in a relationship of love and care.
Prepare your child to be a good parent to the next generation. Remember, fatherhood provides a unique opportunity for a man to become closer to his children.
It is more than invested sperm; it is about acting responsibly. Hats off to dads who give their children the one thing they treasure most – themselves.
• Rhonda A. Blackman is an educator, a National Development Scholar and former president of the Early Childhood Association of Barbados Inc. Email [email protected].
