Dear Christine,
I am a married woman in my early thirties who had a miscarriage about a year ago. Since that time I have been trying to conceive. I told my husband that I need some time for myself and maybe I should take a trip and visit some family to relax myself mentally and physically.
The doctor also agreed that I should do this. However, all my husband talks about is having a baby. He would never say, “Yes, you should at least have two weeks’ [rest].” It is all about him and the baby.
There is so much to be done before a baby comes, things which he has not addressed, and yet he is rushing me. He has not shown me that he is ready to be the father I know he can be.
Christine, I am so depressed and unhappy that I often think about killing myself or just having the baby, giving it to him and leaving. This is supposed to be one of the happiest times in a couple’s life but it feels like a job.
My doctor said when I get pregnant again I will have to take bed rest because of a medical problem I have. This is going to drive me crazy. I have gained a lot of weight and now look much older than I am. It has gotten to the point that when I look into the mirror I don’t know who I am looking at.
I really do not know what to do. I am going crazy. My husband is a good man but he needs to stop what he is doing. I love him so much and I want to give him my all but I need a break. I wrote to you because I am a quiet person on the outside but I am suffering deeply inside. I know there are others who feel the same as I do.
Please help.
What should do?
– M
Dear M,
I feel your pain and I am so sorry to hear about how frustrated you’ve become.
Yes, your husband appears to be insensitive but maybe it’s because he does not know any better. I would recommend two things: firstly, that both of you visit your doctor together.
This way he gets first-hand information on your physical and mental stress and also gets to understand the need for you to relax and take it easy for a while.
Secondly, you should both speak to a trained counsellor or even your parents – if possible. You need someone who can share with you their own experiences and allay the anxiety both you and your husband are feeling. A baby will not necessarily be conceived if both of you are experiencing anxiety and frustration. In fact, this would not be a healthy environment for you or the baby.
Some couples wait many years before they conceive, but when they finally do, they always agree that the conception took place at the right time and within the right environment.
God in His wisdom always knows what and when it’s best. Both of you will have to trust His timing.
I believe that the visit to your physician is vital right now. Don’t delay in making that appointment. In the meantime, do take it easy.
Suicide is never an option: as it does not bring about a solution to any problem. What it does is create pain, hurt, eternal damnation and loss. Don’t contemplate it at all!
If at any time you feel you need someone to talk to, especially if you are feeling low in spirit, call The Samaritans at 438-8884. Hang in there and don’t lose hope.
– CHRISTINE
