Dear Christine,
I have been married for almost ten years. My spouse is always in some kind of crisis: bad allergies, sick, dying mother, ill or critically ill siblings, in danger of losing his job, and on and on.
I gave up trying to teach him anything in the bedroom – he can’t seem to learn those skills. He does make a steady income, and so I stick around to raise the children.
Let me add, he is not home a great deal. I pretend to be a loving spouse so he and the children are happy. My questions are: How ethical is my staying in this situation? Is happiness that important?
– R.S.
Dear R.S.
I’m not judging you. What I see here is a woman who is trying to keep her family together despite her challenges, for while you are trying to keep your family together, you yourself are not totally happy.
You have asked about two things – ethics and happiness. Some people may tell you that putting on a good front to have a stable home for your children and to keep your marriage vows is ethical behaviour. Others might say that faking it with an accident-prone, lousy lover is unethical and dishonest. There are people who think happiness is the absence of pain; others think it is non-stop joy 24 hours each day. Personally, I disagree with both.
Only you can make the determination as to what is ethical and how important happiness is. These are not issues anyone can decide for you. You’re obviously thinking about this a lot and sooner or later, the answers will present themselves, to your satisfaction.
– CHRISTINE
