Wednesday, April 17, 2024

DEAR CHRISTINE: Feeling alone in my marriage

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Dear Christine,
I think I need to say upfront that many marriages or relationships do not always end in heartbreak because of a cheating spouse, but sometimes because of the many hours couples spend apart from each other.
Take my case as an example. My husband works as a security guard full-time on the midnight shift. He does this five days a week, and sometimes on weekends. I also work full-time, on an afternoon shift, making almost three times as much as he does.
We are working these shifts so we don’t need outside day care for our children. Such care can be costly and takes away from spending quality time with the children.
My problem is that he has been on the midnight shift for more than three years, and I have been getting very depressed as time goes by. In other words, I get so lonely at night. I would honestly like him to find a daytime job, or at least be given the opportunity to work during the day in his present job. I do not mind if I have to continue working afternoons. That way we still won’t need day care, but we could at least sleep together at night. He knows how miserable I am, but he doesn’t even try looking for another job.
This is putting a strain on our relationship because I feel he does not care enough to do something about it. On the weekends, he needs to catch up on his sleep and spend more time with the children. I feel lost and alone, and almost as though I am a third wheel, rather than a part of my own family circle.
I am aware that he is an avid reader of Dear Christine, and maybe he will see this and know what I am feeling.
­– D.L.
Dear D.L.,
It really is not wise to deal with this matter the way you have opted to deal with it. What happens when your husband fails to read the column on the very day that this letter appears?
Wise up! Have a real conversation with your husband and explain to him exactly how you feel. You all will need to compromise somewhere and plan time together.
By talking you can then work towards a solution for your good and the good of all involved. This may not necessarily mean having to change jobs, but better utilizing the time together more effectively.
– CHRISTINE

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