Dear Christine,
I always wanted to get married someday to the man of my dreams but my wedding was what you would call a “sensible” marriage.
Looking back now, I believe that if I had listened to my heart and resisted the pressure from family members, I would not be faced with the situation I find myself in today.
I believe that too many times we try to please our relatives when it comes to the choice of a mate and many times we do not realise that we hurt ourselves and our mate in the process.
Our parents on both sides thought we were perfect for each other and since we were perfect for each other and we were both brought up not to mix with other young people, we drifted into marriage. It did not take us long to realise the mistake.
I must admit that my husband tries but I am the one who wants to give up and give up very soon.
You see, I got bored at home and decided to go to work. It is at my workplace that I’ve met the man I truly love. We tried to be as careful as possible with our meetings but someone must have seen us and told my husband, who is more hurt than angry.
He says he has forgiven me and now that he’s nearly lost me, he realises he cares and wants me to love him. I know I cannot and I certainly don’t want to go on living a loveless life when there is someone who can satisfy me.
I’ve almost made up my mind to leave home but I thought I’d hear what you have to say about the situation.
– B.D.
Dear B.D.,
Life is not perfect and many of us make bad choices from time to time. If we start wrong, we’ll probably end wrong. l say that based on the choice of your own words – you “drifted”, as you said, into marriage. Perhaps you felt that the pressure from parents on both sides of the family would have caused you some measure of guilt, had the two of you decided not to get married to each other.
The problem I see here is that your husband is willing to stick it out but you’re not. The question therefore is, does it make sense to stay inside the bonds of an unhappy marriage?
For me it would be like keeping a healthy bird (who’s not a pet) locked in a cage when all he wants to do is fly because he was born to fly.
I believe that marriage is for life, but most people would never share my view. On the other hand, I also hold the view that if a marriage cannot be fixed, then it makes no sense trying to fix it.
Rather, it’s time for both parties to part and find happiness elsewhere.
If you are absolutely convinced that you do not want to be with your husband, you’ve got to let him know and take the necessary legal steps to end the union.
However, let me remind you that passion in a relationship does not always equate to love.
Passion comes and passion goes. Passion with this other man may be short-lived. Either of you could end up finding yourselves attracted to other people after the passion has cooled.
Talk matters over with your husband and weigh the consequences. I trust that both of you will do the noble thing and seek counsel before making that final decision – whatever it turns out to be.
– CHRISTINE
