Saturday, April 20, 2024

DEAR CHRISTINE: He puts friends before his family


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DEAR CHRISTINE, My husband and I have been married for the past ten years and it’s been like ten rock years for me.

When I met him he was living alone (mind you, he had his friends), but nothing of his own, more than his parents’ home which was in a very bad state.

After about a year and couple of months, he got a job which was not a payable one. That was when he always had a friend or friends around him who drank and smoked.
I talked to him about this but it was no use. He would always do as he pleased.

For weeks he would go to work, come home for just a little while, then leave to be with these so-called friends on the block until the wee hours of the morning. Mind you, he would not give me a cent; only when we were “getting along”.

I have always been employed. I am the one who through the years fixed and furnished the house – with no help from him.

To make matters worse Christine, close to five years on the job he kept nagging me to help him buy a vehicle, so he could work for himself. He knew the money I had in my possession was not mine. I went ahead and paid half of what the vehicle cost as well as insurance and paperwork fees.

Months after this, he lost his job and was home for a complete year. I had to pay the monthly instalments for the vehicle, insurance costs and repair cost. These amounted to over $10 000.

Christine, I work two jobs – Sunday to Sunday. I don’t know how I get it done but the Lord sees me through.

He eventually got a job – which he has had for the past three years – and now I am the worst person out. He used to beat me but stopped when the police got involved. I have been chased out of my house and he even had the nerve to tell me that I can sleep with men in exchange for money to repay the outstanding loans which I used to help him.

When he feels like it, he turns off the utilities, towards which I pay half. He has his friends over until the wee hours of the morning and lends to friends when they are in need.

My daughter walks to lessons every Saturday because he refuses to take her in the vehicle. These things really hurt me. I used to feel like I would run mad knowing my daughter sees the way he treats me. Where I work it is me alone, so I have no real friends or family here.

I am writing to you with tears streaming down my face. Things have gotten so bad that I have had to obtain a protection order.

– D.Y.

Dear D.Y.,

Your story is a sad one of verbal and physical abuse and you need to get out of that so-called sham of a marriage/union right away.

Unless you want to have a total breakdown or become another statistic at the hands of this man, you’ll walk away immediately – get a divorce and get him out of your life.

If you’re the one paying the bills and seeing after most of the finances in the home, then you must be independent enough to leave him.

The fact that he hits and abuses you should be an indication to you that your very life around this man is in danger. There’s simply no love in this marriage.

I am not one for suggesting that a wife or a husband walk away from their spouse but in your case, I see no real change ahead. In fact, if after ten years there is no settling down, I don’t see how staying with him another day can help you.

If you can afford to move on do so; the earlier the better.




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