Parenting is not an easy task.
It is a huge responsibility that is sometimes unexpectedly thrust upon a person.
If we are fortunate, we will get it right to a certain stage. If we are not, it can have disastrous consequences for many.
I speak here of wilful neglect of a child or circumstances that can lead to that child being a burden to society. I do not regard the state providing for children in homes as a burden – that is a duty.
I do, however, regard having to provide for an overpopulated prison of young people as a burden.
There are times that, for all intents and purposes, it appears that we parents have gotten it right only for something to go horribly wrong. Or, there are those times we believe we’ll never get it right and, in a joyous twist of fate, a decent, law-abiding humane citizen emerges.
I, like much of Barbados, am pained today by the tragedy of a 12-year-old’s death in what could possibly be a suicide.
Unlike that brand of social justice that is instant and condemning on the Internet, I am reluctant to cast blame or point a finger without knowing the entire truth of what occurred in St Lucy last Thursday night. This should be the position of many parents out there who’ve had cause to apply tough love.
Parenting skills
I am not sure that if any investigator should wander into my neighbourhood to canvass views on my parenting skills that afterwards I would be up for the Mother-Of-The-Year Award.
The chances of my even receiving Mother-Of-The-Month or even the Week would dwindle even further if the investigator took time to speak to my relatives, work colleagues or my church family.
In fact, this very column alone would convict me. Only last week I spoke about the trials of parenting a teen and some of the last resorts
I employed. Now I am being told by that same teen that she may have to vet my column before publication.
But there were times I was less than proud of myself as a mother and I honestly believe that is the feeling of many others, though they may not be as willing as I am to make that confession. My friends and I often remark that children can take you to some dark places in moments of frustration.
Tough love
One parent related how, after her child wouldn’t stop slamming his bedroom door each time he got upset, she took it off its hinges. There was another who allowed the child to dress for an event and then forbade her from going. Yet another parent embarrassed her son in public.
These actual instances do not mean that the parents did not love the child but those extreme situations demanded extreme measures. Standing firm may not always win you instant applause but it may mean that you reap rewards in the end. So who is to say that any of us has the right formula?
Twelve is that tender yet confusing age when a child is not really an infant but not quite a young adult. But it is also supposed to be the stage where the child is still enjoying the innocence of running with friends. At that point, the only time you truly believe your world will end is when you run out of your favourite foodor cannot play your favourite game or watch your favourite programme.
Your hardest problem should be negotiating who is your best friend while clinging to the dream that you both will be friends forever.
What went wrong?
When something happens to shake that innocence, it should be so obvious that even a stranger should notice.
What went wrong with Shamar Weekes’ world, I don’t know.
What I do know is that the authorities owe it to all those troubled children and equally perturbed parents to investigate the matter post haste, thereby identifying the triggers and making recommendations.
This one should not lie idly by waiting on the police file or on a coroner’s inquest years later for a determination. Give parents some relief from their fears that discipline will not equal tragedy. Give children the comfort that when they are in trouble, someone will hear and respond to them.
Give parents and children the comfort of knowing they are on the right path and if they are not, help will be provided.
• Antoinette Connell is a News Editor. Email antoinette [email protected].
