ALL SORTS O’ PEOPLE make up this great big beautiful world hear wha’ I tell ya. Some good and some bad; some even in between, a little bit of each.
But the kinds o’ people I want tuh talk bout this week is the people who does steal or what we call tief.
It never ceases tuh amaze me when I read or hear bout some o’ the things dat people does steal; it does make me shake my head. Look, nuh matter what it is, the tiefing thing like it suh engrained in some o’ these people, dat duh cahn seem tuh resist taking up something dat doan belong tuh dem.
I aint know if ya could say dat the man or the woman tief any different when it come tuh tiefing people things or even the type o’ things dat duh does take up.
But look at this: you would read bout a man or a woman fuh dat matter, going in tuh a supermarket wid a plastic bag, they would walk up and down through the people aisles packing it wid select items ’til duh satisfied. Then duh gine try tuh walk pass the cashiers and the security people.
Now just because dem aint see nuhbody actually standing up watching dem, duh like duh does believe dat nuhbody aint see dem, so check dem bolting gine through the door wid the people merchandise.
Next thing ya know by the time duh get tuh the door, somebody does down duh hand in dem and haul duh tails right back in tuh the store or supermarket and make dem skin out evahthing from the bag.
Now this is the part dat does got me shaking my head. The bag does have in items like biscuits, hair grease, razor, batteries, ham, alcohol and a whole lot o’ things dat doan add up or make any kinda sense whatsoevah.
Nutten in the bag is consistent wid nutten and now when duh get before the court and the magistrate ask the tief why duh take up the things, hear dem; Well sir, I was hungry, I aint work fuh a long time and I was trying tuh get something tuh guh by . . . .
Now tell me something, how razor and hair grease or a lil tiny pack o’ batteries could full you belly? I believe dem people who does tief these kinds up things so, got shops and does be trying tuh restock duh shelves free of cost off o’ somebody else.
Now if I was hungry as he tell the magistrate and I went in tuh a supermarket tuh tief a couple o’ things, I would have tuh pack the bag wid a pack o’ biscuits, a pack o’ tea bags, a lil bag o’ sugar or a soft drink.
Then I would walk down in the back by the produce and take up two or three potatoes, throw in a onion or a carrot, then I would go back through the aisle and pelt in a tin o’ corn beef, a package o’ spaghetti or macaroni, a lil bottle o’ pepper sauce, a tin sardine or middle cut.
Now, because I believe dat nuhbody aint checking me, I would saunter ovah by the toiletries and swipe a pouch o’ tooth paste, a cake o’ soap and a roll o’ toilet paper. Dem is things dat add up, and are consistent.
So when I go before the magistrate and he ask me why I tief these things, I would now be able tuh show him dat I was really down on my luck and hungry in trute.
I would paint the whole picture for him. I would tell him how I was going tuh eat the biscuits on my way home. Then I was gine put some water pon the stove tuh boil, peel and throw in the potatoes or even the macaroni and a lil piece o’ the onion.
Then when duh done cook, I was going tuh crush dem up wid the corn beef, another piece o’ the onion, dash on some pepper sauce pon it, make a one, two three and sit down in my back door and eat it wid my drink.
Later on, I would have the tooth paste tuh brush my teeth wid and when the urge hit me I would have toilet paper tuh use.
I doan think dat any magistrate would be too harsh pon the tief because it would make some kinda sense dat ya tief tuh really get something tuh eat and not just fuh tiefing sake.
•Mavis Beckles was born and raised in The Orleans. She has an opinion on everything.